What is My Preschooler Thinking About? How Does My Preschooler’s Brain Work?

The brain is the most complex and fascinating organ in the human body. There are so many parts working together to allow your preschooler to walk, talk, play, and feel.

The left side of the brain, for example, is responsible for speech and logical thinking. It’s literal and logical and loves order and organization.(3) When your preschooler is working on a puzzle, for example, it’s a great left brain exercise!(11)

The right side of the brain is responsible for spatial thinking, reading nonverbal cues, and processing emotions.(3,4) Rather than being detail-oriented like the left brain, it cares about the big picture. Think of it as the more emotional and experiential of the two hemispheres.(3) Playing a matching game with your child is a great right brain exercise!(11)

When children are very young, they’re right-hemisphere dominant, especially in their first three years of life.(3) Have you noticed how young children are so good at being focused in the present moment? They’re taken with the most ordinary things — the color of the fall leaves on the ground, a lady bug crawling on a bench, a tremendously smooth rock. Everything seems to delight and surprise them. Until, of course, a wave of very big emotions crashes over them and the tears or tantrums start.

When children become emotionally flooded, their right brains are working in overdrive.(3) Their more logical left brain isn’t working in sync with the right hemisphere.(3)

When the Right Brain is Working in Overdrive: Connect and Redirect(3)

If your child comes to you with big feelings — and they might seem illogical, ill-timed or blown out of proportion to you — rather than trying to “logic” them out of their tears and hurt, allow your child to “feel felt”. The concept of “Connect and Redirect” is from Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson’s book, The Whole Brain Child. Connect to your preschooler’s flooded right brain with empathy and loving support. The act of acknowledging your child’s big feelings is actually what will soothe them and steer the conversation toward more solid, logical ground.

So speak in a nurturing tone of voice. Offer comforting physical touch. And listen without judgment. This empathy will go a long way in restoring calm and helping your preschooler mover on with their day.

Connect and Redirect in Practice

We don’t want our children to be drowning in feelings all the time, but we also don’t want them living in an emotional desert. That’s why we care about integration, which is when all of the parts of the brain to work together in harmony.

Using the Connect and Redirect method, once you’ve connected to your child’s right brain, you can redirect the conversation with the more logical left brain.

For example:

If your preschooler is furious he can’t go to school barefoot, starting your response with the logical reply that going to school with shoes on keeps him safe will likely cause more outrage or protestation.

To adults, saying, “Put your shoes on now so you don’t step on something dangerous,” is very logical. But for your preschooler, this isn’t going to calm the storm.

Connect and Attune First.

Try saying something like, “You’re frustrated because you want to go to school barefoot!” This acknowledges their feelings — frustration — helping them feel seen and heard.

Often children are so frustrated with adults because they get told ‘no’ all the time. Their feelings get belittled or bulldozed on accident when we’re in a rush and trying to get out the door to get to school on time. But remember, time passes a lot more slowly for a preschooler. Slow down to truly connect.

Then Offer a Logical Explanation and Make a Plan Together.

Once your child is a bit calmer, they’re more primed to hear reason and logic. You could say something like, “Our house is a safe place to walk barefoot. When we get home from preschool today, would you like to walk around barefoot together?”

This offers up an explanation while also presenting a new plan without saying “No” outright.

Why Oh Why Is My Preschooler Constantly Asking “Why?”

A question for the ages! Toddlers and preschoolers are known for their incessant curiosity. And when “Why?” keeps on coming, you know their left brain is starting to ramp up. They’re looking for answers, they want to know about cause and effect relationships, and they want to understand the connections between things.(3) A whole day with your preschooler might feel exhausting to you because all they do is ask why, why, and WHY! And want to know more, more, more!

And not all of their questions will be polite! If you’re the parent of a preschooler, I’m sure you’ve been mortified by a question your child asked loudly in public.

Why Is My Preschooler Obsessed With Death?

Is your preschooler displaying (what you consider to be) an unusual amount of interest in death? It doesn’t mean they’re going to be interested in the macabre forever! This is actually a very normal part of preschooler development.

They won’t yet understand the 4 subconcepts of death(10):

1. Non-functionality — When you die, your body stops working.

2. Universality — All living things die.

3. Irreversibility — You can’t come back to life once you’re dead.

4. Inevitability — Death is unavoidable.

They’ll only understand the first. And while you may not want to confront your own mortality at 7 am on the way to school or in the checkout line at the grocery, this curiosity really is normal, especially at this age.(10)

So if your child does come to you asking about death, respond as simply and clearly as you can. You don’t need to go into detail, but try not to brush off their questions, even if they make you uncomfortable.(10)

What Are Some of the Negative Effects of Screen Time on Child Development?

Children age 8 and younger typically spend two hours a day (on average) looking at a screen.(6)

Most scientist and doctors will tell you that screen time alters children’s brains. Some argue that screens help prepare children’s brains for the fast paced, high stimulus world we live in.(6)

But screens give off a lot of information and visual input. And the faster the visual stimuli is moving and changing, the faster your brain has to work to keep up and process it.(6)

And when that screen is taken away, there’s some cognitive slowing that happens afterward.(6)

You know that look your child gets after they’ve watched cartoons or played on the iPad for a few hours? The daze that follows is the cognitive slowing that happens after overstimulation.(6)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we not let children between the ages of 2 and 5 exceed one hour of screen time per day.(6) One study found that children who looked at screens for more than one hour per day had lower levels of white matter integrity in the brain.(6,7) White matter supports literacy skills and language development.(7)

The stimuli from screen time can be total sensory overload — all the colors and sounds and story lines can be a lot for a young child to try to process — causing stress hormones like cortisol to be released. The reward system also gets activated by screen time, flooding the brain with dopamine, getting children used to and seeking immediate gratification.(6)

As with anything, be mindful about how much screen time your preschooler is getting.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on your preschooler’s amazing cognitive development. We also talk about how to help your child remember their experiences and what to do if your preschooler talks incessantly or starts using their baby voice again.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3511633/

2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQbehMwuaFk&t=73s

3. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, P. H. D. T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Random House.

4. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321037#functions-of-each-hemisphere

5. https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/play-learning/play-preschooler-development/thinking-play-preschoolers

6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndOB-vXwXxM

7. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2754101

8. https://www.verywellfamily.com/4-year-old-developmental-milestones-2764713

9. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/comm-4-to-5.html

10. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/16/parenting/kids-talking-about-death.html

11. https://www.mentalup.co/blog/right-brain-left-brain-development-methods

How to Maintain Structure and Stimulation Throughout Summer Break: 3 Practical Ideas

School is out for the summer, and you are ready to have some fun!

However, all of the extra hours spent at home with your kids can quickly lead to boredom and unwanted behaviors. Your child’s environment and schedule have changed overnight, and this can be triggering for many children.

So how do you start off the summer on the right foot and manage to keep everyone happy all summer long? I’ve got three practical tips for you!

Create a Schedule as a Family

Before summer starts, sit down as a family and set expectations for the summer. Ask your children what they are interested in doing and what events they have scheduled throughout the summer. Let them know what you have planned for the family to do. Communication is key to success here.

Then, outline what a typical day will look like. When will everyone wake up? When will meals be served? What activities will fill all the time in between?

Try to include time for:

• Reading - Encourage your children to read fun and educational books. Challenge them to read about a new interest or in a new genre.

• Creative Expression - Not all children enjoy arts and crafts to the same extent, but creativity is a valuable skill that needs to be practiced.(1) If you do structured craft activities, try to incorporate your child’s interests into the project to get them more excited about it.

• Educational activities - This does not necessarily have to be worksheets! Younger children could practice writing letters with a stick in the dirt outside. Older children could practice counting the change you spend at the restaurant. Opportunities for learning are everywhere!

• Chores - Make them age-appropriate and consistent to involve your child in the upkeep of their room and home throughout the summer.

• Physical exercise(2) - Hopefully, some of this physical exercise can happen outdoors. If the weather where you live does not allow for this, look for gross motor activities they can do at home or search your local area for indoor playgrounds or gyms.

• Rest or a nap - Depending on the age of your child, make sure that they are getting enough sleep. Even if they are too old for a nap, try to encourage them to have quiet time each day. This gives them a chance to rest and recharge.

If possible, make it visual. Children do better with transitions and expectations if they can visually see what is expected of them.(3)

Some ideas for a visual include repurposing an old clock to show what activities correspond with each hour of the day. Or you can make a chart that has a box for each activity with the time that it starts and ends.

Try involving your child in the making of this visual aid. If they are younger, they could simply color in the boxes or draw a few doodles in one corner. If they’re a bit older, they could help write the labels or figure out how long will be needed for each activity.

The more involved and included your children feel in making the schedule, the more likely they are to be more willing participants in it.

Stick to Regular Times for Meals and Bed

It’s easy to let all the fun activities and adventures of summer throw off the timing of meals and bed.

While this is fine to do sometimes, it’s best to not make it a regular occurrence. A hungry or tired child can be cranky and irritable; exactly the opposite of what you want on your summer adventures.

When your family is at home, have a set time that everyone wakes up and a set time for bed. Even if your child is awake before that time, let them know that they need to stay in their room and do something quiet. This allows everyone in your home the opportunity to get the sleep they need.(4)

Having set times each day for meals serves two purposes. It helps your child not get overly hungry, but it also prevents excessive snacking. We still want our kids to eat nutritious, well-balanced meals, even when they have access to the kitchen all day long.

Children are used to having a set time to eat at school. Their little bodies will benefit from continued regularity in their eating schedule.

Remember that your schedule does not have to hold your family back from having fun experiences and visiting exciting places even if these adventures can’t logistically fit exactly into your schedule. That’s okay!

If your child’s schedule is going to be thrown off, prepare for it ahead of time. If dinner is going to be served late, bring some snacks along. If bedtime is going to be pushed back an hour, plan for extra rest time the next day.

Get Out and About!

Getting out of the house and exploring can be fun no matter the age of your children! It also gives them the chance to continue to learn through the summer.

Great places to visit could be the zoo or aquarium to learn about animals. You could also visit your local parks so your children can work on their gross motor skills and get some much-needed physical exercise. Wilderness camps or clubs can also be a fun outlet for exercise and to give your child a place for social interaction.

Visit your local library often to keep your kids reading throughout the summer months. Consider encouraging your children to complete a reading challenge like reading 20 books over the summer or reading one book from each major genre. Ask your local librarian if there are story times or reading clubs that your children can participate in.

These are just a few ideas that you and your children might find fun to do together. Check your local newspaper or online to see what other events may be uniquely offered in your community.

Summer should be a time for fun and bonding with our children. With the right structure and expectations in place, this summer will be one your family will never forget!

For more tips on parenting and childhood mental health, subscribe to my newsletter or check out my podcast.

References

1. https://nido.edu.au/news/why-creative-expression-is-so-important-for-children/

2. Chaddock-Heyman, L., Hillman, C.H., Cohen, N.J. and Kramer, A.F. (2014), III. THE IMPORTANCE OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND AEROBIC FITNESS FOR COGNITIVE CONTROL AND MEMORY IN CHILDREN. Monographs Society Res Child, 79: 25-50. https://doi.org/10.1111/mono.12129

3. https://classroom.synonym.com/benefits-visual-aids-5040418.html

4. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/children-and-sleep