Transitioning Back to School: How to Handle Your Child’s Anxiety

A new backpack, a different classroom, and an excited little learner–the new school year brings many changes and excitement for most children.

For other children, however, it can be a source of anxiety. Maybe they enjoyed the previous year but feel scared of the unknown of the new year. Or maybe your family has moved and they know they will have to make new friends.

Whatever the reason for the anxiety is, there are ways that you can help your child. Even if the anxiety is just normal, first day jitters, a little preparation can go a long way.  

Walk Them Through What to Expect

 
Taking out the element of the unknown can make a big difference in calming nerves. Set aside time in the week or month before school starts to talk about the new schedule. Discuss who their new teacher will be, where their classes will be, and what to expect throughout the day.

If possible, try to set up a time to meet their new teacher. Many schools will have an open house to allow students to see the building, their classroom, and the teacher. Take full advantage if this is the case for you. Let your child practice opening their locker and help them find their desk.

If you can’t get into the school before the first day, you can still drive by and talk about the drop-off and pickup. Or if your child walks to school or rides the bus, the two of you can role play what they will need to do each morning and afternoon. Not only will this help calm their nerves, but it will also keep them safe and in the right place on the first day.

Establish Connection Throughout the Day

For some children, the hardest part of the first day of school is simply that they don’t like being separated from their parents or siblings. In this case, creating a way for them to continue to feel connected to their loved ones even when they’re separated is essential. Here are some ideas of ways to do just that.

Leave a Note in their Bag or Lunchbox

A little one-line note can let them know that you are thinking about them and cheering them on from afar. A lunchtime note can help break up the school day and may reach them at just the right time to give them a boost to finish the day.  

If you know that your child often struggles at a different point in the day, try putting a note in the backpack and letting them know what time they should go looking for it. It could be at a specific time or after a certain class.

Read Books

Children’s story books can be a great tool to help children recognize their feelings and know how to handle them. Feeling anxiety when separating from a caregiver is a very common experience, so there are many resources to help families tackle these feelings.  

Some of my favorite books to help children conquer non-clinical separation anxiety include: 

1. The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

2. Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney

3. Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas

4. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

If you think that your child might be suffering from a more intense form of separation anxiety, my book Charlie Cub Is Afraid To Leave His Mother can be a useful resource. This book follows the journey of Charlie Cub as he wants to go to a sleepover but is terrified to leave his mother behind. It uses a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach to help him face and conquer his fear. Your child may be able to see themselves in Charlie Cub and use his approach to overcome their anxiety too.  

Charlie Cub Is Afraid To Leave His Mother can be pre-ordered by clicking here.

Get Matching Bracelets, Necklaces, or Backpack Tags

There are many products that you can buy that establish a physical point of connection between you and your child. Matching bracelets or necklaces can give your child something to touch throughout the day and know that you are doing the same.

However, you don’t have to purchase something to get this experience. You can make matching bracelets out of string and beads. Or the two of you can make matching pictures to put in their locker and your work bag. The possibilities are endless!

Adjust Their Sleep Schedule

A tired child is a more emotional child. That’s the last thing that you want during an already emotional time.  

If your child has been sleeping in a bit later in the morning this summer and staying up late each night, don’t wait until the first day of school to adjust their schedule. Start a week or two before the first day pushing their wake time and bedtime up by 10 minutes. This slow transition will go much smoother and will help your child be rested and ready to learn on their first day.

Focus on the Positive

When we’re anxious or nervous, it’s easy to focus on the negative in the situation. You may need to help your child see the good things in the new school year instead of just the scary things.

Talk with them about what fun activities they’ll do in the classroom and the exciting games they’ll play with their friends. Encourage them to list the things about their new school or classroom that they’re excited to try out like new playground equipment.

Have a Debrief

Give your child time to recoup and relax when they get home from school. Schedule a chunk of time with nothing to do so that they can breathe and do whatever activity calms them.

Once they’ve had some downtime, make sure to ask them about their day. Let them know that you want to know what was great and what could have gone better. Having this talk every day will help you know what’s going on with them at school and help you be able to address problems before they get too big.  

To hear more about after-school restraint collapse, check out my podcast episode Ep. 7: Why Is My Child Acting Out? Oppositional Defiant Disorder Explained.

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

The start of the school year means a lot of changes for you, too. You may be getting up earlier to get your children ready. You’re likely running them to more events and trying to coordinate new schedules.

Make sure to take time to rest and relax. You cannot take care of everyone else’s needs if your needs aren’t met first.

Reach Out for Help if Necessary

If the transition into school this fall seems even more difficult than usual, remember that it’s just a phase. Change is hard, but we are capable of adapting. If after a few weeks, your child is still really struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for help from their teacher, the school counselor, or a mental health professional. We’re all in this together!

Would you like more tips on how to proactively nurture your child’s mental health? Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter!

My podcast covers a variety of mental health topics, as well. You can check out all the episodes here.

References

1. https://www.mommynearest.com/article/10-tips-to-ease-the-transition-to-a-new-school

2. https://www.miracle-recreation.com/blog/helping-children-transition-easily-into-a-new-school-environment/

3. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/features/COVID-19-helping-children-transition-back-to-school.html

4. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/school/Pages/Back-to-School-Tips.aspx

How to Maintain Structure and Stimulation Throughout Summer Break: 3 Practical Ideas

School is out for the summer, and you are ready to have some fun!

However, all of the extra hours spent at home with your kids can quickly lead to boredom and unwanted behaviors. Your child’s environment and schedule have changed overnight, and this can be triggering for many children.

So how do you start off the summer on the right foot and manage to keep everyone happy all summer long? I’ve got three practical tips for you!

Create a Schedule as a Family

Before summer starts, sit down as a family and set expectations for the summer. Ask your children what they are interested in doing and what events they have scheduled throughout the summer. Let them know what you have planned for the family to do. Communication is key to success here.

Then, outline what a typical day will look like. When will everyone wake up? When will meals be served? What activities will fill all the time in between?

Try to include time for:

• Reading - Encourage your children to read fun and educational books. Challenge them to read about a new interest or in a new genre.

• Creative Expression - Not all children enjoy arts and crafts to the same extent, but creativity is a valuable skill that needs to be practiced.(1) If you do structured craft activities, try to incorporate your child’s interests into the project to get them more excited about it.

• Educational activities - This does not necessarily have to be worksheets! Younger children could practice writing letters with a stick in the dirt outside. Older children could practice counting the change you spend at the restaurant. Opportunities for learning are everywhere!

• Chores - Make them age-appropriate and consistent to involve your child in the upkeep of their room and home throughout the summer.

• Physical exercise(2) - Hopefully, some of this physical exercise can happen outdoors. If the weather where you live does not allow for this, look for gross motor activities they can do at home or search your local area for indoor playgrounds or gyms.

• Rest or a nap - Depending on the age of your child, make sure that they are getting enough sleep. Even if they are too old for a nap, try to encourage them to have quiet time each day. This gives them a chance to rest and recharge.

If possible, make it visual. Children do better with transitions and expectations if they can visually see what is expected of them.(3)

Some ideas for a visual include repurposing an old clock to show what activities correspond with each hour of the day. Or you can make a chart that has a box for each activity with the time that it starts and ends.

Try involving your child in the making of this visual aid. If they are younger, they could simply color in the boxes or draw a few doodles in one corner. If they’re a bit older, they could help write the labels or figure out how long will be needed for each activity.

The more involved and included your children feel in making the schedule, the more likely they are to be more willing participants in it.

Stick to Regular Times for Meals and Bed

It’s easy to let all the fun activities and adventures of summer throw off the timing of meals and bed.

While this is fine to do sometimes, it’s best to not make it a regular occurrence. A hungry or tired child can be cranky and irritable; exactly the opposite of what you want on your summer adventures.

When your family is at home, have a set time that everyone wakes up and a set time for bed. Even if your child is awake before that time, let them know that they need to stay in their room and do something quiet. This allows everyone in your home the opportunity to get the sleep they need.(4)

Having set times each day for meals serves two purposes. It helps your child not get overly hungry, but it also prevents excessive snacking. We still want our kids to eat nutritious, well-balanced meals, even when they have access to the kitchen all day long.

Children are used to having a set time to eat at school. Their little bodies will benefit from continued regularity in their eating schedule.

Remember that your schedule does not have to hold your family back from having fun experiences and visiting exciting places even if these adventures can’t logistically fit exactly into your schedule. That’s okay!

If your child’s schedule is going to be thrown off, prepare for it ahead of time. If dinner is going to be served late, bring some snacks along. If bedtime is going to be pushed back an hour, plan for extra rest time the next day.

Get Out and About!

Getting out of the house and exploring can be fun no matter the age of your children! It also gives them the chance to continue to learn through the summer.

Great places to visit could be the zoo or aquarium to learn about animals. You could also visit your local parks so your children can work on their gross motor skills and get some much-needed physical exercise. Wilderness camps or clubs can also be a fun outlet for exercise and to give your child a place for social interaction.

Visit your local library often to keep your kids reading throughout the summer months. Consider encouraging your children to complete a reading challenge like reading 20 books over the summer or reading one book from each major genre. Ask your local librarian if there are story times or reading clubs that your children can participate in.

These are just a few ideas that you and your children might find fun to do together. Check your local newspaper or online to see what other events may be uniquely offered in your community.

Summer should be a time for fun and bonding with our children. With the right structure and expectations in place, this summer will be one your family will never forget!

For more tips on parenting and childhood mental health, subscribe to my newsletter or check out my podcast.

References

1. https://nido.edu.au/news/why-creative-expression-is-so-important-for-children/

2. Chaddock-Heyman, L., Hillman, C.H., Cohen, N.J. and Kramer, A.F. (2014), III. THE IMPORTANCE OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND AEROBIC FITNESS FOR COGNITIVE CONTROL AND MEMORY IN CHILDREN. Monographs Society Res Child, 79: 25-50. https://doi.org/10.1111/mono.12129

3. https://classroom.synonym.com/benefits-visual-aids-5040418.html

4. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/children-and-sleep