Toddler Development: Your Chatty and Curious 31 to 36 Month-Old

How fast children grow! Your child is already almost three years old. You may be wondering where the time goes.

At this stage, you probably can’t get your toddler to stop asking questions and asserting his independence! And with good reason. There are many things your toddler can do by himself at this age and the wide world fascinates him.

Watch in amazement as your toddler tackles so many tasks all on his own! He can ride a tricycle, put on his shoes, brush his teeth and say his name.

You’ve done such a great job helping him grow. And the learning will only continue. The world delights and surprises him at every turn.

Let’s see what else you can expect from your 31- to 36-month-old and how you can encourage his healthy development.  

Toddler Development: Your Toddler from 31 to 36 Months

Vocabulary Development

Your 36-month-old can already say 900 to 1000 words!(1) This probably doesn’t come as too much of a shock—I bet you can’t get your three-year-old to stop talking! You’ve done such a great job facilitating your toddler’s vocabulary development by reading, singing, and talking to them. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep engaging with them as they grow.

At this age, your toddler wants to know how everything works. You’ve probably noticed your toddler asks a ton of questions. Some of them you may not know how to answer! Don’t be afraid to encourage their exploration further. Head to the library to pick up a children’s book on the topic of their choice. Read it together and talk about what you learned.

Potty Training

If your child wasn’t previously ready to use the potty, don’t worry. 18 to 36 months is a big age range to start toilet training. Many children don’t start potty training until they’re on the older end of the spectrum.(2) The “right time” varies widely from child to child. Using the toilet is a skill your child has to learn, just like having to learn to walk, talk, and use a spoon or a cup!(2)

You can tell your child is ready for potty training if they:(2) 

• Begin to show an interest (e.g. they want to be dry and clean, they want to wear “big kid” underwear, they wonder what happens when you go to the bathroom)

• Stay dry for two hours or longer when they’re awake

• Wake up with a dry diaper

• Are aware when they need to go (e.g. they pee/poop in private or point to their diaper as they’re going)

• Show independence by saying they can do it themselves (e.g. feeding, dressing)

• Can follow directions and communicate well with you

• Are able to sit still

• Can run and walk well

• Can undress themselves

It can be challenging to know when your toddler is ready to start potty training. But if you keep an eye out for the signs outlined above, you’ll be well on your way. Going to the bathroom independently on the toilet is an exciting skill to develop! Waiting until your child is emotionally and physically ready will put them on a successful path for potty training. 

Toddler Development: Milestones from 31 to 36 Months

Social/Emotional Checklist(3)

• After you leave your child (e.g. for a childcare drop off) they calm down within 10 minutes of your departure

• Notices other children and plays with them

Language/Communication Checklist

• Has conversations with you (you take turns speaking in at least two back-and-forth interactions)

• Asks questions like, “why?” and “what?” and “where?”

• Speaks well enough that others understand what they’re saying most of the time

• Names what’s happening in a picture book when prompted (e.g. “Running!”)

• When asked, says their name

Movement and Physical Development Checklist

• Can use a fork

• Dresses him or herself some of the time

• Can string items together (e.g. beads)

Cognitive Checklist

• Able to draw a circle when shown how

• Doesn’t touch hot or dangerous objects when warned (e.g. a hot stove)
  

What You Can Do to Encourage Healthy Development in Your 31- to 36-Month-Old

Encourage Free Play

Having the freedom to express creativity through play is very important for your child’s development. Allow your child to follow his or her interests on a regular basis when they’re playing.(3) Research shows that free play, whether with friends or alone, improves children’s social skills, teaches them to be more resilient, and reduces anxiety.(7) When engaging in free play, your child should be allowed to choose where they play (within reason), what they play with (as long as it’s safe), and what kinds of subjects they explore.(4) Because every child is unique, self-expression will come out in free play in varied ways.(4) Some children will choose to color. Others will play with Legos. The sky’s the limit with free play! Free play also encourages problem-solving skills in addition to boosting creativity.(4)  

Teach Empathy

Give your child a chance to practice recognizing how other people feel. Show them pictures of children expressing a variety of emotions.(7) This will help them learn to identify fear, anger, sadness, frustration, joy, etc. in others. Teach your child about these emotions and give them the language to label them. Walk your child through what they can do if they see another child expressing those emotions. For example, if another child looks sad, you might ask, “Why do you think he feels sad? What could you do to help her feel better?” Teaching empathy takes time and lots of practice. But it is so worth it.

Name Their Feelings

Often children throw tantrums because they don’t feel heard, seen, understood, or listened to. If your child starts to cry because they can’t get their sweater on, resist the urge to say, “Stop crying.” Instead, name what they’re likely feeling. “You’re feeling frustrated because your arm won’t go into your sweater! Getting dressed can be hard sometimes. Would you like help?” By validating your child’s feelings, they’ll feel understood. You’re also giving them a valuable lesson in recognizing how they feel. Over time, they’ll be able to identify how they’re feeling and where those feelings arise in their body.

Continue to Set Clear Boundaries

Communicate limits to your child consistently so your expectations are clear. But do this in your normal voice! Being firm and clear does not mean having to yell. When possible, give clear and firm warnings, such as, “In five minutes it will be time to leave the park and go home for dinner.” If your toddler tests that limit, explain what the consequence will be and stick to it. “If you don’t get off the slide right now, you won’t be allowed to play with your musical book later.”

Every Stage Comes With Joys and Challenges

Each step of the way, you have the opportunity to help your child learn and grow. Subscribe to my newsletter for more helpful parenting tips, and don’t miss the other blogs in the infant and early childhood development series!

References

1. https://edn.ne.gov/cms/developmental-milestones-31-through-36-months

2. https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-your-toddler-is-ready-to-potty-train-290259

3. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/milestones-3yr.html

4. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/what-is-free-play

5. https://www.thebump.com/toddler-month-by-month/36-month-old

6. https://www.theparentline.org/infant-toddler-development/31-36-months/

7. http://thedanishway.com/do-you-know-why-free-play-is-important-for-your-children/

8. Alexander, J. J., & Sandahl, I. (2016, August 9). The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids (1st ed.). TarcherPerigee.

How To Set Boundaries During School Breaks - 4 Steps to Success

School breaks can be a time that students look forward to for weeks. Maybe it means a vacation or special trip to see family. Maybe they just look forward to getting to sleep in, stay home, and relax.

Sometimes, though, all the extra time spent together can put strain on the relationship between you and your child. Setting healthy boundaries can help keep the break fun and enjoyable for everyone.

If you’re thinking, “I know that setting boundaries would be great, but I just don’t know how to get started.” Don’t worry! I’ve outlined four steps to help you through the process and included four more tips to help make your child’s upcoming school break a success.

Acknowledge the Adjustment Period

Before we get into the four steps, it’s important to acknowledge that there will be an adjustment period when your child is home full time instead of at school. The length and intensity to with which this adjustment period is experienced will vary from child to child.  

If your child struggles with an anxiety disorder or another mental health issue, they will likely have more difficulty with the change in their routine. To read more tips about raising an anxious child, check out my article here.

For most children, the adjustment period will be quick, or you may not even notice it at all. If your child seems to be quite anxious, though, try to ask questions that help you understand where the anxiety is stemming from. These questions could be, “Are you missing someone or something at school?” or “Is something at home making you feel uncomfortable?”

How to Establish Rules and Boundaries

1.   Start the Conversation When Everyone Is Calm and Happy

It is best to have a conversation about rules and boundaries before they are necessary or need to be in place. Children are more likely to see the logic in rules if they are not upset or angry. They will be thinking clearly and can ask any questions they may have. They can also formulate their opinions on the rule and share those thoughts in a more constructive way when they are calm.

2.   Explain Expectations and Consequences Thoroughly

Walk through the rules (bonus points if they are written out) and the consequences. Give examples of when the rule would apply. For example, the rule might be that everyone stays in their own room until 7 a.m. Explain that your child may wake up early, and that’s okay, but they need to stay in their room until the designated time. Then give them alternate activities that don’t break the rule. They can read, play quietly, or color in their room instead of coming out into the common areas.  

If you have written the rules out, hang them up in a place that they can easily be referred to. When you are redirecting your child’s behavior, it can be helpful to be able to give your child a visual reminder as well as a verbal one.

3.   Provide the “Why”

Children are much more likely to follow rules if they understand why the rule is in place. An example using our rule from before would be explaining that we stay in our rooms until 7 a.m. because it allows everyone time to sleep and wake up rested and in a good mood. Another example might be explaining that we don’t run through the house loudly because mom and dad still have work to get done.

4.   Follow Through

While it’s not fun to follow through with consequences on a vacation or during fun days at home, it’s important to stick to the rules that you laid out. Remember that addressing a behavior will help to prevent it in the future. If it is not addressed, it may continue to happen and could continue to put a damper on the break.

4 Tips to Help Make Your Time with Your Children During a School Break Fun and Memorable!

1. Develop a Structure or Routine for the Day

Children thrive when they have a schedule and routine. Especially children with ADHD, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorder need structure in order to feel secure and stable.(4)

The schedule does not have to be overly rigid, meaning it doesn’t have to be a minute-by-minute plan. Have a time set to wake up and an order for activities such as outside time and crafts. Plan meals and snacks to be eaten at times similar to when they would be at school. Now, this schedule doesn’t have to be set in stone. Certain days, what you are doing will make it difficult to stay right on schedule. But the closer you stick to the schedule, the easier and quicker it will be for your child to adjust.

2. Plan Activities Ahead of Time

Fun activities are much less stressful for everyone involved if there is a plan. A spontaneous trip to the zoo or to the water park that’s an hour-long drive away can sound daunting to even the most seasoned parent.

Planning out the logistics and who’s responsible for what can make big activities feel more manageable. Time spent planning allows everyone to enjoy the activity more.

3. Prioritize Social Interactions

Your children may miss the everyday interaction they usually have with their peers. Planning out time for them to see their friends or other children their own age can help fill their social needs. If it’s difficult to coordinate with their friends, you could also look for story times at your local library or other activities happening in your community.   

4. Seek Out Support

Remember that you don’t have to do it alone! Support may look like enlisting the help of grandparents or paying for a babysitter to come give you a break for a few hours. There’s no shame in needing a bit of time to regroup and take care of yourself.

Did you know that my Genius Little Minds podcast dives into childhood mental health? You can check out the latest episode here.

References

1. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parental-roles-how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-with-your-child/

2. https://www.boundariesbooks.com/blogs/boundaries-blog/7-tips-for-setting-summer-boundaries-with-your-kids

3. https://www.nj.com/hudson/2019/11/set-boundaries-to-help-kids-navigate-holiday-season-parenting-with-pete.html

4. https://childmind.org/article/strategies-for-a-successful-summer-break/