Madeleine Vieira 9/12/22 Madeleine Vieira 9/12/22

Stages of Play: Funny Things Toddlers Do That Are Actually Play Schemas

Have you ever wondered about the funny things toddlers do?

Maybe you’ve chuckled because your toddler carries rocks around in her purse or insists on playing with a potato instead of other children.

What looks like plain old silliness to you is actually the exploration of play schemas!

Play is how your child learns.(1) And it’s so important for healthy brain development that it’s actually been recognized as a basic human right all children should have access to by the United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights.(2)

That’s right – play has been deemed a right that all children should have access to in addition to rest, leisure, and love.(2)

Have you ever wondered about the funny things toddlers do?

Maybe you’ve chuckled because your toddler carries rocks around in her purse or insists on playing with a potato instead of other children.

What looks like plain old silliness to you is actually the exploration of play schemas!

That’s right – play has been deemed a right that all children should have access to in addition to rest, leisure, and love.(2)

Parten’s 6 Stages of Play

Children actually progress through 6 stages of play development during early childhood.(3)
These 6 stages are defined as follows:

1. Unoccupied Play (0-3 months)

This is when your baby learns how their body moves and explores the things around them.(3)

2. Solitary Play (0 – 2 years)

In solitary play, your child entertains himself by playing alone. He’s not interested in playing with others just yet.

3. Onlooker or Spectator Play (2 years)

If your toddler is content to just watch other children play at the park, she’s engaging in onlooker play.

4. Parallel Play (2+ years)

This is when children play beside each other but aren’t yet playing with each other.

5. Associative Play (3-4 years)

Your child is (finally!) showing an interest in playing with peers, indicating a significant shift in their development.

6. Cooperative Play (4+ years)

Cooperative play involves playing with others and working toward a common objective or purpose, like building a snowman or finishing a puzzle together.(5)

Each play stage has different benefits. Listen to this podcast episode for more information!

Toddlers and Sharing

Sharing is a big concern parents have. No one wants to raise the most selfish kid on the playground! But sharing is a skill that must be learned. Most children don’t develop this skill until they are 3 and a half or four years old.(6) So please don’t expect your young toddler to know how to share!

You can teach your older toddler to share by modeling it. Play cooperative games together and do things together that require taking turns.(7) Walk your toddler through the steps by saying things like, “It’s your turn to place a block on the tower, then it’s my turn to place a block. Then it’s your turn again! When we share the blocks, we both get to have fun.”

Practice, practice, practice, and don’t forget to be patient – with both yourself and your kiddo.

Types of Schemas in Play

Your toddler probably engages in some pretty funny, frustrating, and undesirable behaviors. When they do things that drive you mad – like repeatedly throwing food off of their high chair, for example -- you may think they’re just misbehaving or being “bad” when really, they’re exploring a play schema.

Trajectory

When you’re trying to serve your family dinner, it can be hard to share your toddler’s enthusiasm for throwing food all over the floor. Understandably so! But your toddler is curious about how things fall, wondering if their pasta will bounce, smash, or splatter when it drops. So what seems like a misbehavior on the surface is actually them engaging in what’s called the trajectory schema. They’re learning all about how objects fall and move.

Try This: Toss colorful scarves up in the air

Connecting

Does your toddler love Lincoln Logs or laying train tracks? In the connecting schema, your child is learning all about how things tie together or connect.

Try This: Make paper chains

Transporting

If your toddler is constantly carrying odd things around the house… a bag of rice, dirty socks, a potato… (I’ve heard it all!) they’re exploring the transportation schema.

Try This: Have them help by carrying (light and unbreakable!) groceries into the house

Positioning

In the positioning schema, your child is learning how to line things up and put them in groups. If your child is arranging his toy cars by color and size, he’s exploring this schema.

Try This: Line up leaves you find at the park

Enveloping

Children explore the enveloping schema by wrapping things – or themselves – up! So if your child enjoys wrapping toys up in blankets or covering himself in cream, you know what schema he’s exploring through play.

Try This: Wrap up a doll or teddy bear in bandages while playing doctor

Enclosing

This schema is all about creating boundaries and containing things within a defined space. If your child enjoys playing inside boxes or filling cups with water during bath time, they’re likely exploring this schema.

Try This: Color inside a shoebox or cardboard box

Rotation

If your child is obsessed with rolling around on the floor or being swung around, then they’ve discovered the rotation schema.

Try This: Turn keys in locks

Orientation

The world is so fascinating from different angles! Your toddler may want to sit on your shoulders, stand on a chair, or look at the world upside down when exploring this schema.

Try This: Toddler gymnastics

Transforming

If your toddler is fascinated by smashing Play Doh or watching ice melt, then the transforming schema has captured your toddler’s attention! They’re exploring how materials change, like going from a solid to a liquid and back to a solid again. Enjoy their curiosity while it lasts!

Try This: Add food coloring to water

Messy Play for Toddlers

It’s important for toddlers to explore with their senses! Research shows that motor and visual skills in early childhood are related to math and language skills as a child grows up.(7) So simple activities that build fine and gross motor skills are important.

Create a defined messy play area for your toddler so they know what’s okay and what isn’t. For example, you set out a tarp with supplies to signal the beginning of messy play. When it’s time for the tarp and supplies to be put away, messy play ends.(7) An organized environment makes messy play safer and sets up appropriate expectations for your toddler.

You may be thinking, “My child hates getting dirty! Messy play sounds like an absolute nightmare!” Some children are more sensitive to sensory input than others and don’t enjoy messy play.(7) And that’s OK! Every toddler is different and has different tolerance levels. Support your children in their exploration. Don’t force sensory play with textures they don’t enjoy.

Your toddler may prefer messy play that doesn’t make their hands wet, for example, so playing with loose papers or other textured materials that aren’t sticky will be more enjoyable for them.(7) Even walking barefoot in the grass or playing in a sandbox can be a wonderful sensory experience! It doesn’t have to be complicated to be impactful.

Try This: Make a dry sensory box with felt, feathers, grass, pom poms, or any other safe materials that interest your child.

Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

Remember, your little one won’t be little forever. Cherish these memories. Slow down your day. Marvel with your toddler at all the amazing, beautiful things life has to offer.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on toddler play! Learn more in-depth information about the stages of play and the seemingly odd ways your toddler may be exploring play schemas. Get even more ideas for sensory play that doesn’t involve food (to reduce food waste), and what to do if your toddler refuses to play outside — or with other kids.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

Madeleine Vieira 8/3/22 Madeleine Vieira 8/3/22

How to Help a Child Who Is Struggling to Make Friends: 8 Tips and Tricks

Most of us reflect fondly on some of the friends that we had in our childhood. Whether it was a friend that lived just down the block that we biked to see every day or a friend we made at summer camp and have kept in touch with ever since. Friendships can be one of the sweetest parts of childhood.

Today, however, we are seeing more and more children struggle to establish and maintain healthy friendships. The pandemic and lockdowns drastically changed children’s social lives. For months on end, most children only interacted with their siblings or even no children at all.

Now, as many children have transitioned back to in-person learning and full daycare and preschool, they may have social skills to catch up on.

So, how do we help bridge this gap? Let’s dig into it.

Now, as many children have transitioned back to in-person learning and full daycare and preschool, they may have social skills to catch up on.

So, how do we help bridge this gap? Let’s dig into it.

Friendships Are Essential to Healthy Development

You know that a good friendship is good for the soul. You likely have people in your life who you don't know how you would live without.

It can be easy to forget that our children are really just little adults with all those same social and emotional needs. They long for connection and relationships with others just like we do.

Additionally, friendship has so many other benefits. Here are just a few:

Lower stress levels(1)
Providing a sense of belonging
Higher self-esteem
Encouraging good behavior

Good friendships can also help children develop social and emotional skills. Through conversations and interactions with their peers, they learn the rules of conversation.(2) They are also exposed to others’ viewpoints, learning how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. Being around their peers also shows them what type of behavior is appropriate for their age and situation.

Studies have shown that children with high-quality friendships are more likely to perform well at school. This likely relates to friends helping a child feel comfortable, valued, and welcome in their classroom. Reliable friendships can also make big transitions, like from one grade to the next, easier.

The need for friendship and the benefits experienced by it are equal for boys and girls. We need to remember that boys need quality relationships and connections just as much as girls do.

On the flip side, there are significant challenges that come with not having good friends. More than 50% of children who have been referred for emotional-behavioral problems report having no friends.(4)

Trouble making friendships and keeping healthy relationships often carries into adulthood.(3) These social skills are ones that we need to be teaching our children early on so that they are set up for success.

Why Friendship in Childhood Can Be Difficult

Children lack the practice that adults have in interpersonal skills. They don’t always know how to read social cues and how to act in certain situations.(5)

Some children are a bit more shy and anxious and struggle to start friendships because of this. Other children haven’t yet learned good empathy skills and find it difficult to think about others and their feelings.

If your child is struggling to make friends, it could be for a variety of reasons. Sitting down and having a conversation with them is a great place to start. You can try to understand what they are feeling and experiencing. Then together, form a strategy to build and maintain friendships.

Maybe you need a few pointers to get you started. Here are some of my best tips for helping your child make friends.

8 Tips for Helping Your Child Make Friends

Model what good friendship looks like. Let them watch you make conversation with other adults and children. Tell them when you are reaching out to check on your friend or sending them a gift to brighten their day. Involve them in activities that you do with your friends.
Encourage friendships that are good for your child. You may be thinking, ‘I don’t even know who my child could be friends with.’ If so, this is the first place to start. Talk with your child to identify who they might like to be friends with. You could enlist the help of their teacher or another adult in their life to identify good friends. Then, put in the effort to schedule play dates and fun activities with that child. If you can’t find any particular friends that your child may enjoy, consider enrolling them in group activities, like ballet or football.
Recognize their personality and adjust to it. Every child is unique, just like every adult is unique. Some are introverted while others are extroverted. Some enjoy being in crowds and attending big events while others don’t. Recognize that your child (and their friends) may have a different idea of quality time together than you do. Adjust your activities and plans accordingly.
Role play with your child. Practice what they should say and do in certain situations. Let them practice introducing themselves and asking if the other child would like to play with them. Make conversation with them and guide it in a direction that it would typically go between two children, such as talking about their favorite toy or kind of ice cream.
Reinforce and praise them when they interact well with their peers. Especially in the first few years, you will likely be around for every one of your child’s social interactions. When you see them being kind, sharing, taking turns, and making conversation, praise them. Let them know that they are doing a great job.
Discuss and identify your child’s emotions. Help your child figure out what they are feeling and name it. Many childhood friendships suffer because of a lack of emotional awareness and emotional regulation. Giving your child the tools to manage their emotions will help them avoid this.
Help your child put themselves in someone else’s shoes. Empathy and compassion are essential to making relationships work. Children aren’t born with the ability to see things from another person’s perspective. We need to guide them and help them identify what other children are feeling and how to handle those feelings.
Demonstrate how to say sorry and make amends. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes your child is going to hurt someone else and sometimes your child is going to be the one that’s hurt. We need to demonstrate to our children not only how to apologize and ask forgiveness, but also how to forgive and set healthy boundaries.

Friendships can feel difficult and time-consuming to maintain at times. However, every human needs connection with other humans; it’s how we’re wired.

Before your children are fully independent in their social skills, they may need your help with this. That is totally normal and okay. Give them the tools and information they need and get ready to watch them succeed.

Would you like more child development tips in your email inbox? Be sure to sign up for my newsletter!

References