Madeleine Vieira 10/3/22 Madeleine Vieira 10/3/22

How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep: Routine Charts, Sleep Regression and Reassuring Check-Ins

Putting a toddler to bed can be tricky.

And if your toddler is between the ages of 2 and 4, they’ll likely need about 10 to 14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period.(4)

So how can you make naps or bedtime a treat, not a battle?

It may take some trial and error, and it will definitely take a whole lot of patience and love. But after experimenting with different approaches, you’ll get your toddler’s nap and bedtime routines down pat.

First things first, let’s make sure your toddler’s room is set up safely so they can sleep soundly. They are, after all, notorious explorers. So all that baby proofing you did may need to be kicked up a notch once you have an active toddler.

Toddler girl sleeping holding a teddy bear.

Putting a toddler to bed can be tricky.

And if your toddler is between the ages of 2 and 4, they’ll likely need about 10 to 14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period.(4)

So how can you make naps or bedtime a treat, not a battle?

Making Your Toddler’s Bedroom Safe

Your baby is no longer, well, a baby! Luckily your toddler is no longer at risk for SIDS,(1) but he is more agile and active. So let’s discuss how to create a safe sleeping space as your little one grows.

Double check that your toddler’s crib isn’t near anything he or she can pull on like blinds, cords, or hanging mobiles. Ensure that objects like plants, books, or picture frames aren’t nearby for your curious toddler to push or pull into his crib or on the floor. And don’t keep anything in the crib that could help your toddler climb out. As you already know, toddlers love to explore! He’ll be tempted to stand on stuffed animals, crib bumpers, or pillows to help him climb out of his crib.

Let’s save the big adventures for when mom or dad are around to supervise, shall we?

When Should You Switch to a Toddler Bed?

About one-third of toddlers move to a toddler bed when they’re between the ages of 18 months and 24 months. (2) Another third will transition between the ages of 2 and 2.5.(2) But many sleep experts recommend that you wait until your child is 3 years old (or close to it) before transitioning to a toddler bed.(3)

When you decide to transition your child from a crib to a bed is a personal choice. But if your toddler isn’t attempting to escape his crib, it might be wise to wait as long as you can before transitioning to a bed. Research shows that toddlers in Western countries who sleep in cribs are more likely to have earlier bedtimes and take less time to fall asleep than those who sleep in a bed.(3) They also wake up fewer times in the night and stay asleep for longer stretches of time.(3)

Place the crib mattress on the lowest setting to try to keep your toddler from climbing out of his crib and going on unsanctioned nighttime strolls. But if that doesn’t work and he’s still able to climb out, you may need to transition to a toddler bed.

Create a Toddler Bedtime Routine Chart

Children often struggle with time management. (Who am I kidding, even adults struggle with this!) So having a picture chart of your child’s bedtime routine taped up somewhere where they can see it might be helpful. The picture chart can include things like, “take a bath” and “brush your teeth” and “put on your pajamas” so they know what to do when. After you give them a bath, ask them if they remember what’s next in their routine. If they don’t, remind them to reference the routine chart!

Let your toddler pick their own pajamas and stuffed animal to sleep with as part of their bedtime routine. Giving them the choice might make them happy, and it also gives them the opportunity to practice autonomy.

Most kids like to be read a story or sung a lullaby before bed. Allow your toddler to pick the book, but you pick how many you’re going to read from or how many songs you’re going to sing. Keep firm with this boundary so your child knows what to expect.

How to Tackle Toddler Sleep Regression

Sleep regression is common among children and can happen at 12, 15, and 18 months.(16) It’s also common when your child is 2 and 3 years old.(16) Usually sleep regression only lasts a few weeks. It’s essentially a disruption in your child’s regular sleep schedule so they’re waking up in the night, rising super early in the morning, or refusing naps.(16) It’s unpleasant for parents because it means you’re dealing with an unusually fussy or cranky toddler. And it also will probably disrupt your sleep schedule as well.

Sometimes separation anxiety can cause sleep regression. Toddlers go through this just like babies do. You may find your toddler becomes more clingy or cries for you more often at bedtime because they don’t want to be away from you.(16) Nightmares, potty training, teeth coming in, and other changes that happen during toddlerhood can all play a role in your toddler’s sleep regression.(16)

The faster you can identify the sleep regression, the faster you can address it.

If your toddler is afraid of the dark, for example, can a night light comfort him? What about leaving a light on in the hall? A toddler who is switching from a crib to a bed may go through a longer sleep regression because it’s a big transition. Make sure to also limit screen time and TV before bed as well so you’re not overstimulating your toddler’s brain before bed.

If your child is nervous about sleeping alone, try tucking them in and letting them know you’ll check on them in a couple of minutes.(17) When you do a check-in, it’s brief, no more than 1 to 2 minutes.(17) If your child calls out in the night, don’t reward it with too much attention. Be reassuring but firm. Resist the urge to let your toddler into your bed.(17) You’re keeping a boundary – your toddler has to stay in bed – but you’re also being tender and showing them you’re confident they can handle sleeping alone.

Pretty soon you’ll be able to do brief check ins from the door, and eventually, you won’t have to do check ins at all.

Sleep regressions can also show up as nap refusal.

Just because your toddler is putting up a fight at nap time doesn’t mean you should get rid of naps altogether just yet.(15) Typically, a child won’t need to stop napping until they’re about 4 or 5.(13) 60% of 4-year-olds still take naps and 30% of 5-year-olds still take naps, compared to only 10% of 6-year-olds. If your young toddler is refusing naps, it may be because she’s overtired rather than no longer needing her afternoon snooze. Or she may just not want to miss out whatever fun she thinks the family is having. But it’s best to stick to the nap schedule, despite her protests.(13)

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on toddler sleep, including research about how cribs can support your toddler’s sleep quality and how toddler sleep schedules vary from culture to culture.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

Madeleine Vieira 9/26/22 Madeleine Vieira 9/26/22

What to Feed Your Toddler and When! Plus: How to Deal With Picky Eaters

Does your toddler change their mind about foods at the drop of a hat? One day they love peas and carrots and the next they’re looking at them with utter disgust? Welcome to toddlerhood and the joys of trying to get your little one to eat!

Feeding a toddler can feel – like many things at this age – overwhelming or frustrating.

Assuming your toddler doesn’t have any known allergies, they can eat from all the basic food groups. If your family has a history of food allergies, talk to your child’s pediatrician about how to start introducing foods to your toddler.(1)

Toddler eating bite-sized fruit in a highchair

Feeding a toddler can feel – like many things at this age – overwhelming or frustrating.

Dairy Foods for Toddlers

Before your baby turns one, breast milk or formula is best.(2) But once your child hits the 12-month mark, you can start to introduce whole milk.(2) When your toddler turns two, you can switch to reduced-fat milk.(2) If your family has a history of obesity, high cholesterol, or heart disease, ask your child’s pediatrician about switching to reduced-fat milk earlier.(2)

Your toddler might enjoy:(1)

Milk
Yogurt
Diced or grated cheese
Cottage cheese
Pudding
Cheesy scrambled eggs or cheesy omelet

Getting Toddlers to Eat Fruits and Veggies

You can introduce raisins once your toddler is 18 months or older. Since raisins tend to clump together, try feeding them to your toddler one at a time and in small portions. 2 tablespoons or less is usually what’s recommended.

A whole world of foods opens up once your toddler’s teeth come in! Dice crunchy vegetables into bite-sized chunks (about the size of a frozen pea is a good rule of thumb). Start with 1 to 2 tablespoons of diced fruit or veggies and then add a tablespoon for each year of your child’s age.(2)

Your toddler might enjoy:

Raisins
Fresh fruit
Canned fruit
Diced carrots
Diced green peppers
Sliced grapes
Sliced cherry tomatoes
Sliced celery
Sliced cucumber
Veggie quesadilla

But don’t be surprised if your toddler becomes less and less excited about eating their vegetables as they get older! Listen to this podcast episode for more information on why toddlers tend to turn up their noses at vegetables. You might just be surprised by what you find out!

Protein Foods for Toddlers

Cut proteins into small, bite-sized pieces to reduce the risk of choking. Nut butters like peanut butter should be thinly spread on crackers or bread because of the sticky texture, rather than given in large spoonfuls.

Your toddler might enjoy:

Meat
Poultry
Fish (carefully remove any bones)
Eggs
Beans
Tofu
Nut butters

Whole Grains for Toddlers

You may have to get creative with feeding your toddler. Try making meal times fun by making happy face pancakes or letting them sprinkle seasoning on their food. A little bit of effort can go a long way in getting a toddler excited about mealtime!

Your toddler might enjoy:

Oats
Whole grain bread
Buckwheat pancakes
Cereal
Crackers
Pretzels
Pasta
Rice
Bagels
Tortillas

What About Allergens?

You may have heard that the American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends for infants to eat high-allergen foods as early as 4 to 6 months old if your family doesn’t have a history of food allergies.(2) If you do have a family history of allergies, consult with your toddler’s pediatrician before introducing the most common high-allergen foods, including: wheat, soy, tree nuts, peanuts, milk, eggs, corn, seeds, shellfish or fish.(2)

It’s wise to introduce new foods one at a time so it’s easy to track if your toddler does have an allergic reaction or if a food doesn’t agree with them.(2)

How to Deal With a “Picky Eater”

Many parents complain that their children are picky eaters. If you have a toddler, I’m sure you’ve engaged in a battle of wills about whether or not they’ll eat something you’re serving for dinner. But I encourage you to try not to label your children as “picky eaters” – you might just find that the label sticks. Try not to refer to your child as such if you don’t want them to identify with this label as they get older.

As many as 50% of children between the ages of 2 and 4 years old are perceived as “picky eaters” by their parents,(3,7) so please know this is a very common behavior amongst young children. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that family conflicts, behavior problems, tantrums, and fighting between parents about how to deal with their child’s picky eating are all common consequences of children refusing certain foods.(3)

Neophobia is the reluctance to taste or try new foods.(4) And there’s more and more evidence suggesting that texture, taste, appearance and the smell of the food all influence whether a child will want to eat it or not.(4)

The truth is, more often than not, it’s just hard to get children to eat their veggies, so please know you are not a bad parent if you struggle with this.

Avoid Power Struggles at Meal Time

Have you ever put something in front of your toddler and had them refuse it? It can be incredibly frustrating when your child turns up his or her nose at the meal you’ve graciously prepared for them. And on top of your frustration, you’re also worried about whether or not they’re getting the nutrition they need to grow a healthy, strong body.

Many parents and physicians believe in allowing your toddler the option to refuse foods they’re served. That’s right – it’s your job to provide the healthy meals, but it’s not your job to force them to eat it. Toddler stomachs are small! So let your toddler choose what and how much they actually want to eat.(9) You can still serve them the same thing you’re having for dinner, but allow your toddler to make a choice about what and how much of it they eat rather than engaging in a power struggle over the meal.

It’s also normal for your toddler’s appetite to vary from day to day. Try to look at their nutrition broadly rather than meal by meal.

Many of us may have been taught to “eat everything off the plate” before we could be excused when we were children. But it’s important to teach your child to learn how to recognize and respect their bodily cues telling them when they’re hungry or full.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on toddler eating behaviors, including research that explains why it can be so difficult to get your toddler to eat!

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

https://www.babycenter.com/toddler/feeding/age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-toddler_1736045
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/feeding/healthy-eating/toddler-food-guide-introducing-new-foods/
Werthmann, J., Jansen, A., Havermans, R., Nederkoorn, C., Kremers, S., & Roefs, A. (2015). Bits and pieces. Food texture influences food acceptance in young children. Appetite, 84, 181–187. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2014.09.025
Coulthard, H., & Thakker, D. (2015). Enjoyment of tactile play is associated with lower food neophobia in preschool children. Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, 115(7), 1134–1140. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jand.2015.02.020
https://www.fspediatrics.com/docs/Feeding-toddlers-at-the-table-handout.pdf
https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/why-do-children-dislike-vegetables/
Carruth, B. R., Ziegler, P. J., Gordon, A., & Barr, S. I. (2004). Prevalence of picky eaters among infants and toddlers and their caregivers' decisions about offering a new food. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 104(1 Suppl 1), s57–s64. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jada.2003.10.024
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-meals.html
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/managing-meals-how-to-take-struggles-out-of-mealtime-with-kids-0424184
https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/kids-health/age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-babies-toddlers-and-kids/

Madeleine Vieira 9/12/22 Madeleine Vieira 9/12/22

Stages of Play: Funny Things Toddlers Do That Are Actually Play Schemas

Have you ever wondered about the funny things toddlers do?

Maybe you’ve chuckled because your toddler carries rocks around in her purse or insists on playing with a potato instead of other children.

What looks like plain old silliness to you is actually the exploration of play schemas!

Play is how your child learns.(1) And it’s so important for healthy brain development that it’s actually been recognized as a basic human right all children should have access to by the United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights.(2)

That’s right – play has been deemed a right that all children should have access to in addition to rest, leisure, and love.(2)

Have you ever wondered about the funny things toddlers do?

Maybe you’ve chuckled because your toddler carries rocks around in her purse or insists on playing with a potato instead of other children.

What looks like plain old silliness to you is actually the exploration of play schemas!

That’s right – play has been deemed a right that all children should have access to in addition to rest, leisure, and love.(2)

Parten’s 6 Stages of Play

Children actually progress through 6 stages of play development during early childhood.(3)
These 6 stages are defined as follows:

1. Unoccupied Play (0-3 months)

This is when your baby learns how their body moves and explores the things around them.(3)

2. Solitary Play (0 – 2 years)

In solitary play, your child entertains himself by playing alone. He’s not interested in playing with others just yet.

3. Onlooker or Spectator Play (2 years)

If your toddler is content to just watch other children play at the park, she’s engaging in onlooker play.

4. Parallel Play (2+ years)

This is when children play beside each other but aren’t yet playing with each other.

5. Associative Play (3-4 years)

Your child is (finally!) showing an interest in playing with peers, indicating a significant shift in their development.

6. Cooperative Play (4+ years)

Cooperative play involves playing with others and working toward a common objective or purpose, like building a snowman or finishing a puzzle together.(5)

Each play stage has different benefits. Listen to this podcast episode for more information!

Toddlers and Sharing

Sharing is a big concern parents have. No one wants to raise the most selfish kid on the playground! But sharing is a skill that must be learned. Most children don’t develop this skill until they are 3 and a half or four years old.(6) So please don’t expect your young toddler to know how to share!

You can teach your older toddler to share by modeling it. Play cooperative games together and do things together that require taking turns.(7) Walk your toddler through the steps by saying things like, “It’s your turn to place a block on the tower, then it’s my turn to place a block. Then it’s your turn again! When we share the blocks, we both get to have fun.”

Practice, practice, practice, and don’t forget to be patient – with both yourself and your kiddo.

Types of Schemas in Play

Your toddler probably engages in some pretty funny, frustrating, and undesirable behaviors. When they do things that drive you mad – like repeatedly throwing food off of their high chair, for example -- you may think they’re just misbehaving or being “bad” when really, they’re exploring a play schema.

Trajectory

When you’re trying to serve your family dinner, it can be hard to share your toddler’s enthusiasm for throwing food all over the floor. Understandably so! But your toddler is curious about how things fall, wondering if their pasta will bounce, smash, or splatter when it drops. So what seems like a misbehavior on the surface is actually them engaging in what’s called the trajectory schema. They’re learning all about how objects fall and move.

Try This: Toss colorful scarves up in the air

Connecting

Does your toddler love Lincoln Logs or laying train tracks? In the connecting schema, your child is learning all about how things tie together or connect.

Try This: Make paper chains

Transporting

If your toddler is constantly carrying odd things around the house… a bag of rice, dirty socks, a potato… (I’ve heard it all!) they’re exploring the transportation schema.

Try This: Have them help by carrying (light and unbreakable!) groceries into the house

Positioning

In the positioning schema, your child is learning how to line things up and put them in groups. If your child is arranging his toy cars by color and size, he’s exploring this schema.

Try This: Line up leaves you find at the park

Enveloping

Children explore the enveloping schema by wrapping things – or themselves – up! So if your child enjoys wrapping toys up in blankets or covering himself in cream, you know what schema he’s exploring through play.

Try This: Wrap up a doll or teddy bear in bandages while playing doctor

Enclosing

This schema is all about creating boundaries and containing things within a defined space. If your child enjoys playing inside boxes or filling cups with water during bath time, they’re likely exploring this schema.

Try This: Color inside a shoebox or cardboard box

Rotation

If your child is obsessed with rolling around on the floor or being swung around, then they’ve discovered the rotation schema.

Try This: Turn keys in locks

Orientation

The world is so fascinating from different angles! Your toddler may want to sit on your shoulders, stand on a chair, or look at the world upside down when exploring this schema.

Try This: Toddler gymnastics

Transforming

If your toddler is fascinated by smashing Play Doh or watching ice melt, then the transforming schema has captured your toddler’s attention! They’re exploring how materials change, like going from a solid to a liquid and back to a solid again. Enjoy their curiosity while it lasts!

Try This: Add food coloring to water

Messy Play for Toddlers

It’s important for toddlers to explore with their senses! Research shows that motor and visual skills in early childhood are related to math and language skills as a child grows up.(7) So simple activities that build fine and gross motor skills are important.

Create a defined messy play area for your toddler so they know what’s okay and what isn’t. For example, you set out a tarp with supplies to signal the beginning of messy play. When it’s time for the tarp and supplies to be put away, messy play ends.(7) An organized environment makes messy play safer and sets up appropriate expectations for your toddler.

You may be thinking, “My child hates getting dirty! Messy play sounds like an absolute nightmare!” Some children are more sensitive to sensory input than others and don’t enjoy messy play.(7) And that’s OK! Every toddler is different and has different tolerance levels. Support your children in their exploration. Don’t force sensory play with textures they don’t enjoy.

Your toddler may prefer messy play that doesn’t make their hands wet, for example, so playing with loose papers or other textured materials that aren’t sticky will be more enjoyable for them.(7) Even walking barefoot in the grass or playing in a sandbox can be a wonderful sensory experience! It doesn’t have to be complicated to be impactful.

Try This: Make a dry sensory box with felt, feathers, grass, pom poms, or any other safe materials that interest your child.

Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

Remember, your little one won’t be little forever. Cherish these memories. Slow down your day. Marvel with your toddler at all the amazing, beautiful things life has to offer.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on toddler play! Learn more in-depth information about the stages of play and the seemingly odd ways your toddler may be exploring play schemas. Get even more ideas for sensory play that doesn’t involve food (to reduce food waste), and what to do if your toddler refuses to play outside — or with other kids.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

Madeleine Vieira 8/25/22 Madeleine Vieira 8/25/22

5 Tricky Toddler Behaviors for Parents and Caregivers to Understand

If you’re the parent of a toddler, chances are you’ve seen your fair share of temper tantrums, dealt with hitting or biting, or gotten into power struggles with your child.

While the toddler years are a wonderful time of exploration and development, they also can be trying on parents or caregivers.

One minute your child is being oh-so-sweet and angelic and the next they’re throwing a fit in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

Let’s tackle 5 tricky (but common) toddler behaviors and gain insight into why they occur.

If you’re the parent of a toddler, chances are you’ve seen your fair share of temper tantrums, dealt with hitting or biting, or gotten into power struggles with your child.

While the toddler years are a wonderful time of exploration and development, they also can be trying on parents or caregivers.

One minute your child is being oh-so-sweet and angelic and the next they’re throwing a fit in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

Let’s tackle 5 tricky (but common) toddler behaviors and gain insight into why they occur.

Why Does My Toddler Throw Temper Tantrums?

Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. They’re your two- or three-year-old’s way of expressing big emotions they’re unable to regulate. Young children are not able to express frustration, anxiety, or anger the way older children or adults can because their brains are still immature.

It’s normal for toddlers to throw tantrums because they haven’t yet learned the ins and outs of:(2)

Impulse control
Communicating their needs or wants
Self-soothing
Delaying gratification
Problem solving
Navigating situations with appropriate responses

The good news is, by age three and a half, most children have few or no tantrums.(1)

There’s no such thing as a “tantrum disorder.”(2) But frequent or persistent tantrums may be an indication of a larger issue that needs to be addressed. Children with ADHD are particularly prone to outbursts or meltdowns because they struggle with poor impulse control and being bored.(2) A recent study showed that over 75% of children who had severe temper outbursts also fit the criteria for ADHD.(2) Children with autism or anxiety may struggle with unexpected changes or unfamiliar situations and have a tantrum as a result.(2) And children with sensory processing issues may have a tantrum if they are experiencing sensory overload.(2) Depression or undiagnosed learning disorders could also be contributing factors to children throwing tantrums.(2)

Emotion-regulation is a skill children need to be taught, just like problem-solving or communicating their needs.

And when a child can’t emotionally regulate, a tantrum, or two other common toddler behaviors, may ensue.

Why Does My Toddler Bite and Hit?

It may surprise you to learn that biting is a common behavior among toddlers. It typically happens when a child is trying to communicate a need or cope with a difficult emotion. For example, your toddler may become frustrated or mad when a sibling takes his toy. He needs to self-regulate and cope with the anger and frustration but doesn’t know how, so biting ensues.

A Few Reasons Toddlers May Bite or Hit:

They are still developing their impulse control skills
They don’t yet know how to delay gratification
They’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to regulate themselves
They lack the skills to communicate their strong feelings with words
They don’t understand what constitutes an appropriate response to dealing with a challenge

On episode 13 of Genius Little Minds, I give some tips for things you can do and say when your child has bitten another child. Check out the podcast episode here.

Why Does My Toddler Refuse to Share?

Sharing is tough! Even for adults, it’s sometimes difficult.

It’s not very realistic to expect your 2-year-old to be a competent sharer. They’re just too young to grasp the concept. They’re also lacking language skills to express themselves fully, so they often can’t explain why they just don’t want toshare.

So if your young toddler hasn’t yet mastered the art of sharing, don’t sweat it. This skill doesn’t develop until a child is about 3 and a half or 4 years old.(5)

Sharing is a learned skill, so talking about it (without imposing unrealistic expectation that it will happen overnight) can be helpful. Try pointing out moments in your daily life when sharing occurs, like when you share your food with your spouse or take turns using an electronic device.

Why Is My Toddler Not Seeking Independence?

You’ve probably heard that two-year-olds have a lot of opinions. After all, everyone says they love the word “no”, want to dress themselves and try new things. But what if your child doesn’t fit that description?

Of course as a parent, you play a huge role in your child’s life. Your behaviors and parenting style have a huge impact on how your child acts and interacts with the world.

Now I’m not here to shame anyone’s parenting... I know everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources available to them. But there are two parenting styles that can either encourage the development of autonomy or hinder it.

Autonomy Supporting Parenting

Also know as Autonomy Granting Parenting, Autonomy Supporting Parenting encourages independence in ways that are gentle and appropriate.(4)

Children with Autonomy Supporting parents are allowed to explore new, non-threatening situations without interference. (4) This teaches them independence and the idea that it’s OK to be themselves.

Protective Parenting

Protective Parenting is “the broad restriction of a child’s autonomy.”(4) And it “can increase the risk of child anxiety development.”(4)

To some degree, every parent is protective of their children. But Protective Parenting can interfere with a child’s discovery or the magical world of autonomy. It can hinder independent exploration and reduce their confidence.(4)

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on these tricky — but common — toddler behaviors. Learn what to do when your toddler starts to hit the dog… or their sibling. Gain insight into how to handle a toddler who won’t get dressed, and what to do when your child simply won’t. stop. screaming. I also provide a few scripts for what to say to your toddler in these tough situations.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

Madeleine Vieira 8/1/22 Madeleine Vieira 8/1/22

Why the Toddler Years Matter So Much for Brain Development

If you have a toddler, you’ve witnessed firsthand how incredibly active they are and how fast they learn! So many amazing milestones are reached during the toddler years — from walking to talking to using their fingers to eat.

Toddlers can be larger than life. With their big feelings, bigger tantrums, and daily skill acquisition — you may be marveling at all the new things they’re learning and doing.

Every day is different with a toddler. And it’s in part because their brains are so incredibly malleable and developing at a wildly rapid pace.

So what’s going on inside that genius little mind of theirs?

Toddlers can be larger than life. With their big feelings, bigger tantrums, and daily skill acquisition — you may be marveling at all the new things they’re learning and doing.

Every day is different with a toddler. And it’s in part because their brains are so incredibly malleable and developing at a wildly rapid pace.

So what’s going on inside that genius little mind of theirs?

How Does Your Toddler’s Brain Work?

You’ve probably heard that children’s brains have more neuroplasticity than adult brains. What’s neuroplasticity? The brain’s ability to change or rewire itself after experiences.(1)

Two-year-olds have twice as many synapses or connections between neurons than adults do. (2) Synapses are where neurons (or brain cells) communicate. The neural pathways that are used regularly become well-established, while the ones that aren’t are lost.

We either ‘use it or we lose it’.

What does this mean in practical terms?

Brain development is all about forming connections.(2) Your toddler’s brain is shaped by his or her experiences. So singing familiar songs, letting your toddler play, practice their skills, and engage with you and others is a vital part of their development.

This is why you’re encouraged to read to your toddler every single day. Even if you’re reading the same short books over and over again, you’re encouraging those neural pathways to strengthen.

A Critical Period in Brain Development

Children’s brains develop in what are called “critical periods”(2) and “sensitive periods” which are essentially windows of time in which their brain plasticity is maximized.(3) Critical periods happen between age 2 and 7 and again in adolescence.(2) During critical periods, synapses can form or strengthen more easily.

This is why it’s easier for children to learn things when they’re young, like learning to speak a foreign language.

The sensitive period for learning to speak a foreign language like a native speaker is from age 0 to 12.(4) Of course you can still learn to speak a new language after age 12. But it will be harder and require more effort because the critical and sensitive periods will have already closed.(4)

Over time, pruning occurs. The connections that don’t get used get discarded. As we age, our brain wiring becomes harder to change.(5) Just like the old adage says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It’s not impossible, but we tend to get stuck in our ways — quite literally.

Help Your Child Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and a Growth Mindset… Eventually

Your toddler is learning something new every single day — be it from you, another caregiver in her life, or just from the wide world she’s interacting with. Her brain is like a sponge, taking in new words, faces, and places. She’s learning to sing songs, identify pictures, and how her toys work. It can be quite surprising when your toddler shows off a new skill or says a new word she overheard!

And as a parent or caregiver, you are a tremendous resource, teacher, and model for desirable behavior.

Here are 3 ways you can help your toddler’s brain develop:

1. Name Feelings Together

Children learn emotional intelligence from the adults who model it for them. And naming feelings is hugely important in helping your child understand his or her emotional landscape and internal world.

Let’s say your child is struggling with jealousy over the birth of her baby sister. You could say, ‘Your new baby sister is getting a lot of attention from your dad and I. I bet that makes you feel a little jealous and maybe even sad.’ Naming and acknowledging your toddler’s feelings — even the more “negative” or “less-desirable” ones — can help her feel understood. It can also help her feel more receptive to being comforted when she’s upset.(5) Rather than brushing her feelings off as insignificant, you’re teaching her what it is she’s feeling. You’re letting her know it has a name.

It may also be helpful to share a time when you were a child and experienced similar emotions. This helps your toddler learn that these big feelings are okay to have and won’t last forever.

2. Praise Their Process

Did you know there’s a difference between praising outcome and praising effort?

Research shows that when you praise the process and effort a toddler is putting into a task rather than just the outcome of the task itself — your toddler is more likely to have a growth mindset five years down the line.(5)

Let’s say your toddler is playing with nesting cups. You could praise intelligence — ‘You did it! You’re so smart!’

You could swoop in when things get tough — not allowing them to work things out for themselves, even if they’re age appropriate — undermining your child’s independence and sense of competence.

Or you could praise the process — ‘You stuck with this even though it was tricky at times. I like how you kept trying.’

Praising process teaches your child that it’s okay to fail. And it’s okay to make mistakes. And it’s okay to try again. Maybe your toddler loves the responsibility of feeding the family cat. But sometimes, more of the cat’s kibble gets on the floor than in the bowl. You could offer praise by saying, ‘Scooping the cat food without spilling is tough! But I love how you’re trying.’

This type of praise not only has an impact on their developing brain but will help cultivate a growth mindset when they’re older.(5)

3. Study Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development

Toddlers are fascinating little beings. And Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development provides a great framework for understanding just that — how their brain is developing.

If you’re not familiar with it, Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development can be a very helpful tool. You’ll gain insight into how your child learns, processes, and engages with the world. When you understand things from their point of view, you can embrace the parenting journey with even wider arms.

According to Piaget’s Theory, toddlers are in the preoperational stage of development. There are 8 important features within this stage that I go over in detail on this podcast episode. I cover things like why the animated film Toy Story is such a hit with kids, whether imaginary friends are “normal” or cause for concern, and why your toddler will play next to her little friend, but struggles to actually engage with her.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out the podcast episode on toddler brain development! You’ll get a deeper look at the topics covered in this blog and much more. Tune in to gain insight into why your 3-year-old might be afraid of the bathtub drain or think her shoe is “mad at her.”

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-brain-plasticity-2794886
https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-ages-2-7-matter-so-much-brain-development
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32958196/
https://vachildcare.com/the-critical-vs-sensitive-periods-of-brain-development/
https://therapyworks.com/blog/language-development/home-tips/growth-mindset/
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Simon & Schuster.