Stress and Anxiety Around the Holidays: How to Help Your Child Enjoy the Season

Children can feel stress around the holidays for a variety of reasons. The number of people at the gatherings may make them uncomfortable. Or the change in routine may give them anxiety. They feel unsure of what to expect and that in turn makes them feel stressed.

You may not even know exactly what about the holidays seems to trigger your child. You just know that this time of year is difficult for them, and you want to help in any way you can.

Here are some tips to help make this holiday as smooth and enjoyable as possible.

First, Make Sure That You Are Taking Care of Yourself

Calm, like stress, is contagious. Whatever you are feeling, your children are going to be feeling too. So be sure to preemptively take some time to yourself this holiday season.(1) Spend a few minutes a few days doing something relaxing that you enjoy like reading a book or going for a walk.

When you start to feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and remember that you are setting the example for how you want your children to respond when they are stressed. If you’re in the same room as your kids when something goes awry, talk through your feelings and coping mechanisms out loud so that they can witness how you work through them.

When you take good care of yourself, you are better able to take care of others.

Keep the Routine as Similar as Possible

While the holidays usually mean special meals, family gatherings, and fun events, try to keep the routine as similar as possible to normal.(3) Their day-to-day activities will be different but stick to their sleep schedule and nap schedule as closely as you can. Plan activities around those times or set up a sleeping space where you are visiting. Overtired children are less emotionally regulated and will only feel worse as they get more and more tired.

If you know that your child struggles with transitions and changes to the routine, prep them ahead of time. Let them know what is going to happen and what to expect. While this may not prevent all issues, it will likely be helpful. You can also try keeping similar things in their routine like bringing their favorite meal along with you wherever you’re going or letting them bring a favorite stuffed animal.

Manage Expectations

Know that, with children, nothing is going to go 100% smoothly. That’s okay. The holidays can still be a fun time with a few bumps in the road.

Have realistic expectations for your children and the event will help everyone feel better. If your expectations are too high, you will only feel disappointed. Plan ahead by taking an extra pair of clothes and a few snacks and know that everyone will have fun even if a few things go wrong.

Keep Your Kids Active

Kids have a ton of energy; we all know this. When they’re cooped up in a car or a dinner chair for too long, they’re more likely to start acting out. This is most often because they just need something to do to get out all the energy that is inside of them.

Encourage them to get outside and play if the weather where you live allows them to. If that’s not possible, you can try setting up an obstacle course indoors or encouraging them to do jumping jacks. Anything that gets their body moving will help them get out that energy.

Spend Quality Time Together with Your Family

Big get-togethers with aunts, cousins, and great-grandparents can be a lot of fun. However, they can also be very stimulating to some children and adults. For these individuals, the event will likely leave them feeling drained.

Try to block out time that will just be spent with your immediate family or close friends.(2) Discuss with your children some family traditions that you would like to start doing. Especially for children that really like routine, they may also really like having yearly traditions.

Do Something As a Family That Helps Others

In a season that’s often filled with gifts, it’s important to also emphasize to our children the importance of giving back to others. Consider volunteering at your local food bank or animal shelter. Or you can bake sweet treats for your local nursing home or neighbors.

There are so many options for charities that need donations around the holiday season. You could also encourage your children to earn money to donate to these causes.

Avoid overscheduling

It’s easy to run from one event to the next during this season. There are so many people to see and so much fun to be had. However, there can be too much of a good thing.

Try to create enough space in your schedule so that you don’t feel like you’re always running late for the next thing. This stress will also be felt by your children, and coupled with the normal stress of the holidays, it can quickly become overwhelming.(4)

Schedule Quiet Time

Avoiding overscheduling is a great first step, but you can take it even further by prioritizing quiet or rest time. Everybody needs time to decompress and recoup after big events. Especially on days when the schedule is full, schedule time in the middle of the day for your children to rest.

This time will give them the chance to emotionally reset and be in a better mood for evening activities.

All of these tips will make this holiday season one that everyone in your house will enjoy. Just remember that it doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs time spent with the people that you love most. Adapt your schedule and events to meet your kids’ needs, and it will all be okay.

For many parenting tips right in your email inbox, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter. You can also learn more about each stage of development and various mental illnesses on my podcast, Genius Little Minds.

References

1. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/holiday-stress-how-to-keep-calm-and-avoid-fighting-with-your-kids/

2. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/7-ways-prevent-holiday-stress-children-2017112812809

3. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-take-the-stress-out-of-the-holidays/

4. https://www.verywellfamily.com/holiday-stress-and-anxiety-in-children-620516

Celebrating World Mental Health Day: Plus 10 Mental Health Tips

October is here and with its arrival comes World Mental Health Day on October 10th.

Have you been curious about where to get resources for World Mental Health Day for your home or classroom? Or are you just looking for tips on how to support your child’s mental well-being?

You’re in the right place! I’ve outlined great answers to both questions below.

What Is World Mental Health Day?

Organizations around the world recognize that meeting mental health needs is just as important as any other need. It’s just as important as food, water, clothing, and shelter. While you can’t always see a child’s poor mental health, it impacts their life in monumental ways.

Because of the magnitude of importance about this topic, there is not just one organization that sponsors events and provides resources for World Mental Health Day. There are a variety to choose from.

Some organizations that you can check out are the United Nations, the Mental Health Foundation, the World Health Organization, and the World Federation For Mental Health. The theme that was chosen this year by the World Federation for Mental Health is ‘Make Mental Health & Well-Being for All a Global Priority.’ It is widely recognized that especially after the COVID-19 pandemic, many people need more mental health support.

Many of these websites provide printable and digital resources that educate on mental health. Some will have guest speakers or will host community events around the globe.

Focusing on mental health is important for everyone in every place. So, no matter where you and your child are, there is sure to be a way that you can learn and grow from World Mental Health Day.

Ways to Help Your Child with Their Mental Health

Beyond just the big event, what are some ways that you can support your child’s mental health every day?

1.   Read Books About Identifying Various Emotions

Books can be a great way to start a conversation about what emotions that your child may be feeling. Kids can see how the characters label their emotions and how they cope with them in healthy ways. Many books focus on a specific emotion, so if your child struggles with one emotion, like anger, in particular, there is likely a book out there that you can read together.

2.   Help Them Learn how to Relax and Perform Self-care

School, social pressures, and navigating all the challenges of growing up may cause stress in your child. They need to know how to unwind and relax in order to nurture positive mental health.

Help them find relaxing activities that they enjoy like reading, taking a walk, or drawing. They may also find that more strenuous activities like running or playing a sport help clear their mind. It doesn’t really matter what the activity is. They just need a healthy way to recharge.

3.   Keep the Line of Communication Open

Ask your child often about their friends, how their school work is going, and what is new in their lives. As you keep track of soccer practices and dance lessons and their favorite lunch, you may think that you know everything about them. However, you may be surprised with what you learn by asking these simple questions.

Staying in tune to our children’s lives helps us be the first to know when something seems amiss or when they may be needing more support. (1) We want our children to feel safe coming to us whenever they have a problem. That is more likely to happen if there’s already a pattern of open communication in place.

4.   Model Healthy Coping Skills

It’s easy to feel like we should never be mad, frustrated, or sad around our children. Sometimes we just put on a happy face because it’s easier. Yet, this is not always in our children’s best interest.

It’s good when they see you frustrated in traffic, but you take calming deep breaths. Or maybe they see you upset when your favorite snack is all gone, but then you calmly chose another option. These may seem like really small things, nonetheless, our children are always watching. They are learning coping skills every time they watch you handle your feelings in a productive way.

5.   Create Household Routines and Stick to a Sleep Schedule

Children feel more secure and function better when they know what to expect. This is why routines and schedules can be beneficial for children.

A sleep schedule is particularly important because not getting enough high-quality sleep is a risk factor for many mental illnesses.(2) Make sure that your child is getting enough hours of sleep at night and is sleeping soundly.

6.   Give Them Encouragement and Support

Remind your child often how proud you are of them. Children need to hear that they are loved and that you are always there for them. It’s important to show this with your actions, but it’s also important to say it with your words.

7.   Encourage Daily Movement and Healthy Habits

A healthy body supports a healthy mind. Encourage your child to get their body moving for at least 30 minutes a day. There are lots of fun ways to make this happen. They could do anything from jumping jumps to kicking a ball around the yard to play at the park.

Also, make sure that your child is eating well-balanced meals and getting all the vitamins and nutrients that they need. Healthy food will fuel their mind and body to help them function at 100%.

8.   Watch for Changes in Mood or Behavior

Much like we talked about earlier, you want to understand well how your child is feeling on any particular day. Watch for sudden, drastic changes in their moods or behaviors. This could be a sign of an event that needs to be addressed.

You may also notice slow, more permanent changes over time. While kids' personalities change as they grow, this is referring to increased sadness, anxiety, or other negative emotions for extended periods of time. These may be signs of a mental health struggle.

9.   Nurture Their Self-esteem

Help your child feel comfortable with who they are. (3) One way to build self-esteem is to give your child the power to make decisions whenever possible. This sense of accomplishment and power to be independent will do wonders for their self-confidence.

10.   Get Professional Support if You Need it

It’s never too early or too late to reach out for help. If you feel like you can’t give your child all of the support that they need, consider talking with a mental health professional. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial not just after the onset of mental illness but even before. A therapist will be able to give you strategies and tips for preventing your child from slipping further into poor mental health.

Now, these tips don’t just apply to children. They are good mental health practices for anyone. We all need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. In the same way, World Mental Health Day can be beneficial for anyone. So, let’s go take care of our mental health!

For more information on child mental health, be sure to check out my podcast, Genius Little Minds, and subscribe to my newsletter.

References

1. https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-support-your-childs-mental-health-5208688

2. https://discoverymood.com/blog/10-ways-to-support-your-childs-mental-health/

3. https://caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/mentalhealth/mental_health

Transitioning Back to School: How to Handle Your Child’s Anxiety

A new backpack, a different classroom, and an excited little learner–the new school year brings many changes and excitement for most children.

For other children, however, it can be a source of anxiety. Maybe they enjoyed the previous year but feel scared of the unknown of the new year. Or maybe your family has moved and they know they will have to make new friends.

Whatever the reason for the anxiety is, there are ways that you can help your child. Even if the anxiety is just normal, first day jitters, a little preparation can go a long way.  

Walk Them Through What to Expect

 
Taking out the element of the unknown can make a big difference in calming nerves. Set aside time in the week or month before school starts to talk about the new schedule. Discuss who their new teacher will be, where their classes will be, and what to expect throughout the day.

If possible, try to set up a time to meet their new teacher. Many schools will have an open house to allow students to see the building, their classroom, and the teacher. Take full advantage if this is the case for you. Let your child practice opening their locker and help them find their desk.

If you can’t get into the school before the first day, you can still drive by and talk about the drop-off and pickup. Or if your child walks to school or rides the bus, the two of you can role play what they will need to do each morning and afternoon. Not only will this help calm their nerves, but it will also keep them safe and in the right place on the first day.

Establish Connection Throughout the Day

For some children, the hardest part of the first day of school is simply that they don’t like being separated from their parents or siblings. In this case, creating a way for them to continue to feel connected to their loved ones even when they’re separated is essential. Here are some ideas of ways to do just that.

Leave a Note in their Bag or Lunchbox

A little one-line note can let them know that you are thinking about them and cheering them on from afar. A lunchtime note can help break up the school day and may reach them at just the right time to give them a boost to finish the day.  

If you know that your child often struggles at a different point in the day, try putting a note in the backpack and letting them know what time they should go looking for it. It could be at a specific time or after a certain class.

Read Books

Children’s story books can be a great tool to help children recognize their feelings and know how to handle them. Feeling anxiety when separating from a caregiver is a very common experience, so there are many resources to help families tackle these feelings.  

Some of my favorite books to help children conquer non-clinical separation anxiety include: 

1. The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

2. Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney

3. Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas

4. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

If you think that your child might be suffering from a more intense form of separation anxiety, my book Charlie Cub Is Afraid To Leave His Mother can be a useful resource. This book follows the journey of Charlie Cub as he wants to go to a sleepover but is terrified to leave his mother behind. It uses a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach to help him face and conquer his fear. Your child may be able to see themselves in Charlie Cub and use his approach to overcome their anxiety too.  

Charlie Cub Is Afraid To Leave His Mother can be pre-ordered by clicking here.

Get Matching Bracelets, Necklaces, or Backpack Tags

There are many products that you can buy that establish a physical point of connection between you and your child. Matching bracelets or necklaces can give your child something to touch throughout the day and know that you are doing the same.

However, you don’t have to purchase something to get this experience. You can make matching bracelets out of string and beads. Or the two of you can make matching pictures to put in their locker and your work bag. The possibilities are endless!

Adjust Their Sleep Schedule

A tired child is a more emotional child. That’s the last thing that you want during an already emotional time.  

If your child has been sleeping in a bit later in the morning this summer and staying up late each night, don’t wait until the first day of school to adjust their schedule. Start a week or two before the first day pushing their wake time and bedtime up by 10 minutes. This slow transition will go much smoother and will help your child be rested and ready to learn on their first day.

Focus on the Positive

When we’re anxious or nervous, it’s easy to focus on the negative in the situation. You may need to help your child see the good things in the new school year instead of just the scary things.

Talk with them about what fun activities they’ll do in the classroom and the exciting games they’ll play with their friends. Encourage them to list the things about their new school or classroom that they’re excited to try out like new playground equipment.

Have a Debrief

Give your child time to recoup and relax when they get home from school. Schedule a chunk of time with nothing to do so that they can breathe and do whatever activity calms them.

Once they’ve had some downtime, make sure to ask them about their day. Let them know that you want to know what was great and what could have gone better. Having this talk every day will help you know what’s going on with them at school and help you be able to address problems before they get too big.  

To hear more about after-school restraint collapse, check out my podcast episode Ep. 7: Why Is My Child Acting Out? Oppositional Defiant Disorder Explained.

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

The start of the school year means a lot of changes for you, too. You may be getting up earlier to get your children ready. You’re likely running them to more events and trying to coordinate new schedules.

Make sure to take time to rest and relax. You cannot take care of everyone else’s needs if your needs aren’t met first.

Reach Out for Help if Necessary

If the transition into school this fall seems even more difficult than usual, remember that it’s just a phase. Change is hard, but we are capable of adapting. If after a few weeks, your child is still really struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for help from their teacher, the school counselor, or a mental health professional. We’re all in this together!

Would you like more tips on how to proactively nurture your child’s mental health? Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter!

My podcast covers a variety of mental health topics, as well. You can check out all the episodes here.

References

1. https://www.mommynearest.com/article/10-tips-to-ease-the-transition-to-a-new-school

2. https://www.miracle-recreation.com/blog/helping-children-transition-easily-into-a-new-school-environment/

3. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/features/COVID-19-helping-children-transition-back-to-school.html

4. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/school/Pages/Back-to-School-Tips.aspx