Growing up is often described as an emotional rollercoaster. There are so many highs and lows that come with the experiences of childhood and adolescence—riding a bike for the first time, finding a best friend, going through puberty and exploring sexuality. School, friends, family, hormonal changes—all of these different parts of a child’s life can contribute to intense feelings.

But if your child has more ‘lows’ than ‘highs’—low moods, sadness, low self-esteem—they may be suffering from depression.

As a parent, it may be hard to accept that even children can become depressed. What do they have to be depressed about, after all? They don’t have to pay taxes, go to work, or navigate the complexities of adult relationships. Childhood is often described wistfully by adults as carefree—longed for by nostalgic memory of a time when recess was the best part of a day, meals were cooked and paid for, and someone— a parent or caregiver—was watching out for you.

It may be hard to remember the painful parts of childhood or adolescence. The pain that comes with growing up. Navigating social situations at school. Doing homework. Struggling with test anxiety. Trying to fit in with peers. Experiencing romantic rejection for the first time. Dealing with intense feelings that are hard to regulate.

Growing up isn’t always a walk in the park.

And sometimes, children become depressed.

Let’s talk about it so you know the signs of childhood depression and how to help.

Warning Signs of Childhood Depression

Depression can look different in preschoolers, school-aged children and teens.

If your preschooler is depressed, you might notice they(1):

Seem to be regressing to younger behavior, like sucking their thumb or using baby talk
Have daily tantrums(5)
Are aggressive
Have separation anxiety again (after having grown out of it)
Don’t enjoy playing anymore and don’t want to play with other children
Aren’t following their regular sleep schedule anymore
Are lethargic during the day
Have lost weight and aren’t interested in the foods they used to love

If your grade school child is depressed, you might notice they(1):

Complain frequently about stomachaches and headaches
Talk frequently about being sad or lonely, even if they have friends, or hint they’re being bullied
Have a gloomy or pessimistic outlook on life
Are doing worse in school or extracurriculars
Say things are “boring” and they aren’t interested in doing the things they used to love
Watch more TV than usual and spend a lot of time on the couch
No longer seem to care about doing well in school, sports, or other activities
Aren’t gaining weight at the rate expected for their age group

If your tween or teen is depressed, you might notice they(1):

Have closed off emotionally to friends and family, are withdrawn and distant
Seem grumpy, irritable or angry a lot of the time
Lash out
Engage in risky behavior or self-harm
Abuse alcohol or drugs
Get set off by little things
Express that they feel worthless, guilty, empty or numb
Feel hopeless about the future
Think one bad thing happening means nothing in their life is good
Lack confidence and obsess over their shortcomings
Have dramatically changed their habits

If your child is depressed, you might also notice they(2):

Cry frequently, are often tearful, feel sad more often than not(3)
Try to run away from home (or talk about doing so)(3)
Have trouble concentrating on or remembering things
Find it difficult to make decisions
Are highly sensitive to rejection, criticism, or bad news
Say negative things about themselves
Lack confidence
Have trouble fitting in and getting along with others
Frequently miss school(3)
Have suicidal thoughts or impulses*

*If you’re in the U.K. and seeking resources or support because you’re worried about your child’s mental health, you can call the YoungMinds' free parents' helpline for advice on 0808 802 5544 from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm. If you’re in the United States, you can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for free and confidential support 24/7.

*If your child or teen is feeling suicidal and is thinking about hurting themselves, call 911 if you’re in the US or 999 if you’re in the UK, or take them to the nearest Emergency Room.

It’s important to listen closely to your child in addition to noticing any behavioral changes.

Things you might hear your depressed child say(6,7):

“I’m bored.”
“I’m not good at anything”
“It’s always my fault.”
“I don’t have any real friends.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I suck at ______.”
“I wish I had never been born.”
“My tummy/head hurts.”
“I’m so tired.”

Of course not all children who say these things are depressed, but keep these phrases and their frequency in mind.

What Causes Childhood Depression?

It may be hard to accept that even children and adolescents can become depressed. But it’s so important that adults realize the signs. Otherwise, children or teens can go undiagnosed and untreated. And the outcome can be much worse for children who don’t receive timely treatment.

About 3% of children in the US and 1-3% of children in the UK are depressed.(4) There are a number of contributing factors, including(4):

A family history of depression
Chronic illness
Psychiatric, learning, developmental or conduct disorders
Trauma, abuse or neglect
Chronic or excessive stress
Stressful events such as a parents’ divorce or the loss of a loved one

If you or someone else in your family has depression, your child is more likely to develop it. A stressful home life or school environment can contribute to a child developing depression, especially if they feel helpless and unable to make any changes to their environment or experiences. Children with depression are thought to have a different brain structure and functioning than children without depression.

Risk factors

When a child has a depressive episode, they are at risk for developing another within the next 5 years. Childhood depression is linked to more severe depression in adulthood. And depressed children or adolescents are more at risk for suicidal behavior.(3)

I Think My Child Is Depressed. What Do I Do?

If you or someone else in your child’s life thinks they might be suffering from depression, here are some steps you can take.

Support and listen to them

Ask your child how they’re feeling, what’s bothering them, and try to find out what is causing any changes in their behavior or mood. If your child is closed off and uncomfortable talking to you, see if they’ll talk to another trusted adult.

Know the warning signs

Jot down some notes about how severe your child’s symptoms are, how long they’ve been going on, and how they present so you’re armed with information when you see a mental health professional or pediatrician. Consider contacting your child’s teachers to see if they’ve noticed any behavioral changes at school. Take any suicidal signs seriously.

Meet with a professional

Get a referral to a psychiatrist, psychologist or pediatrician who can diagnose depression in children. Empathize with your child and continue to provide emotional support. They might feel freaked out about going to the doctor or “talking to someone,” so continue to be non-judgmental and acknowledge how they’re feeling. Assure your child they are not alone.

Seek out resources

Educate yourself about childhood depression and its treatments. Reach out to other families whose children or teens struggle with depression. Create a network so you feel supported and less alone. Consider counseling for yourself if you’re struggling with shame or other strong emotional reactions to your child’s depression.

Take action

Ultimately, childhood depression is treatable, but it’s important it’s diagnosed and treated early. Depression doesn’t just go away on its own. It requires professional intervention. Comprehensive treatment may include individual and family therapy as well as medication.

Interested in learning more? Check out this podcast episode on childhood depression. You’ll get even more information on risk factors, how COVID-19 has impacted rates of depression in children, comorbidity with other disorders, and more. You’ll also get to hear from parents from all over the world whose children are also struggling. In each podcast episode, I answer questions from parents just like you who are trying their best and seeking additional support.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. Subscribe here to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

Rosen, Peg. Signs of depression at different ages. Understood. https://www.understood.org/articles/en/signs-of-depression-at-different-ages-a-printable-checklist
Is my child depressed? Priory Group. https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/is-my-child-depressed
(2018, November). Child depression ages 6 -12. The Whole Child. https://www.thewholechild.org/parent-resources/age-6-12/child-depression-ages-6-12/
Childhood depression. How to help your child. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/childhood-depression
Klass, Perri. (2021, September). How to spot depression in young children. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/01/well/family/depression-young-children.html
Depression in children 5-8 years. Raising Children. https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/health-daily-care/school-age-mental-health-concerns/depression-5-8-years
Typical sadness or depression? How to tell the difference in your child. Understood. https://www.understood.org/articles/en/sadness-vs-depression-in-kids