Madeleine Vieira 8/1/22 Madeleine Vieira 8/1/22

Why the Toddler Years Matter So Much for Brain Development

If you have a toddler, you’ve witnessed firsthand how incredibly active they are and how fast they learn! So many amazing milestones are reached during the toddler years — from walking to talking to using their fingers to eat.

Toddlers can be larger than life. With their big feelings, bigger tantrums, and daily skill acquisition — you may be marveling at all the new things they’re learning and doing.

Every day is different with a toddler. And it’s in part because their brains are so incredibly malleable and developing at a wildly rapid pace.

So what’s going on inside that genius little mind of theirs?

Toddlers can be larger than life. With their big feelings, bigger tantrums, and daily skill acquisition — you may be marveling at all the new things they’re learning and doing.

Every day is different with a toddler. And it’s in part because their brains are so incredibly malleable and developing at a wildly rapid pace.

So what’s going on inside that genius little mind of theirs?

How Does Your Toddler’s Brain Work?

You’ve probably heard that children’s brains have more neuroplasticity than adult brains. What’s neuroplasticity? The brain’s ability to change or rewire itself after experiences.(1)

Two-year-olds have twice as many synapses or connections between neurons than adults do. (2) Synapses are where neurons (or brain cells) communicate. The neural pathways that are used regularly become well-established, while the ones that aren’t are lost.

We either ‘use it or we lose it’.

What does this mean in practical terms?

Brain development is all about forming connections.(2) Your toddler’s brain is shaped by his or her experiences. So singing familiar songs, letting your toddler play, practice their skills, and engage with you and others is a vital part of their development.

This is why you’re encouraged to read to your toddler every single day. Even if you’re reading the same short books over and over again, you’re encouraging those neural pathways to strengthen.

A Critical Period in Brain Development

Children’s brains develop in what are called “critical periods”(2) and “sensitive periods” which are essentially windows of time in which their brain plasticity is maximized.(3) Critical periods happen between age 2 and 7 and again in adolescence.(2) During critical periods, synapses can form or strengthen more easily.

This is why it’s easier for children to learn things when they’re young, like learning to speak a foreign language.

The sensitive period for learning to speak a foreign language like a native speaker is from age 0 to 12.(4) Of course you can still learn to speak a new language after age 12. But it will be harder and require more effort because the critical and sensitive periods will have already closed.(4)

Over time, pruning occurs. The connections that don’t get used get discarded. As we age, our brain wiring becomes harder to change.(5) Just like the old adage says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It’s not impossible, but we tend to get stuck in our ways — quite literally.

Help Your Child Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and a Growth Mindset… Eventually

Your toddler is learning something new every single day — be it from you, another caregiver in her life, or just from the wide world she’s interacting with. Her brain is like a sponge, taking in new words, faces, and places. She’s learning to sing songs, identify pictures, and how her toys work. It can be quite surprising when your toddler shows off a new skill or says a new word she overheard!

And as a parent or caregiver, you are a tremendous resource, teacher, and model for desirable behavior.

Here are 3 ways you can help your toddler’s brain develop:

1. Name Feelings Together

Children learn emotional intelligence from the adults who model it for them. And naming feelings is hugely important in helping your child understand his or her emotional landscape and internal world.

Let’s say your child is struggling with jealousy over the birth of her baby sister. You could say, ‘Your new baby sister is getting a lot of attention from your dad and I. I bet that makes you feel a little jealous and maybe even sad.’ Naming and acknowledging your toddler’s feelings — even the more “negative” or “less-desirable” ones — can help her feel understood. It can also help her feel more receptive to being comforted when she’s upset.(5) Rather than brushing her feelings off as insignificant, you’re teaching her what it is she’s feeling. You’re letting her know it has a name.

It may also be helpful to share a time when you were a child and experienced similar emotions. This helps your toddler learn that these big feelings are okay to have and won’t last forever.

2. Praise Their Process

Did you know there’s a difference between praising outcome and praising effort?

Research shows that when you praise the process and effort a toddler is putting into a task rather than just the outcome of the task itself — your toddler is more likely to have a growth mindset five years down the line.(5)

Let’s say your toddler is playing with nesting cups. You could praise intelligence — ‘You did it! You’re so smart!’

You could swoop in when things get tough — not allowing them to work things out for themselves, even if they’re age appropriate — undermining your child’s independence and sense of competence.

Or you could praise the process — ‘You stuck with this even though it was tricky at times. I like how you kept trying.’

Praising process teaches your child that it’s okay to fail. And it’s okay to make mistakes. And it’s okay to try again. Maybe your toddler loves the responsibility of feeding the family cat. But sometimes, more of the cat’s kibble gets on the floor than in the bowl. You could offer praise by saying, ‘Scooping the cat food without spilling is tough! But I love how you’re trying.’

This type of praise not only has an impact on their developing brain but will help cultivate a growth mindset when they’re older.(5)

3. Study Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development

Toddlers are fascinating little beings. And Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development provides a great framework for understanding just that — how their brain is developing.

If you’re not familiar with it, Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development can be a very helpful tool. You’ll gain insight into how your child learns, processes, and engages with the world. When you understand things from their point of view, you can embrace the parenting journey with even wider arms.

According to Piaget’s Theory, toddlers are in the preoperational stage of development. There are 8 important features within this stage that I go over in detail on this podcast episode. I cover things like why the animated film Toy Story is such a hit with kids, whether imaginary friends are “normal” or cause for concern, and why your toddler will play next to her little friend, but struggles to actually engage with her.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out the podcast episode on toddler brain development! You’ll get a deeper look at the topics covered in this blog and much more. Tune in to gain insight into why your 3-year-old might be afraid of the bathtub drain or think her shoe is “mad at her.”

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

References

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-brain-plasticity-2794886
https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-ages-2-7-matter-so-much-brain-development
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32958196/
https://vachildcare.com/the-critical-vs-sensitive-periods-of-brain-development/
https://therapyworks.com/blog/language-development/home-tips/growth-mindset/
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Simon & Schuster.

Madeleine Vieira 7/16/22 Madeleine Vieira 7/16/22

Toddler Development: Independence, Exploration, and Tantrums, Oh My! Your Energetic 19 to 24 Month Old

Your baby is more than a year and a half old now, and boy does she have a lot to say! As your toddler’s vocabulary continues to grow, so does her confidence. You may find her testing limits, exerting her independence, and strutting her stuff everywhere she goes!

Between 19 and 24 months, you’ll notice your child is going through so many amazing changes. The chubby baby you know and love is growing up so fast! She’s gaining muscle, a more defined jawline, and getting both taller and leaner.

As she’s mastering skills like walking, running and climbing stairs, her personality is also developing. Soon it will become more obvious if you have a daredevil or more careful child on your hands. One thing’s for sure–your toddler will keep you on your toes as she engages in pretend play, feels big emotions, and continues exploring the wide world.

Toddler Development: Your Toddler From 19 to 24 months

Exciting New Movements

Toddlers have so much energy–and by now you’re probably used to chasing after them! As your toddler gets more confident walking, he’ll use his hands less and less for balance and even break into a run at times!(1) When running, it can be hard for your toddler to stop or make turns, so he might take a tumble to the ground once in a while.(3) He may also discover he can stand on tiptoe to look for things out of reach.(4) Overtime, he’ll learn to kick a ball and throw one underarm.(11) Every tactile discovery feels exciting and new as he grows into his body each day!

Expanding Vocabulary

By 21 months, your toddler will be able to use around 50 words!(4) And by 24 months, they’ll be able to use two word phrases and simple pronouns like “me, my, you.”(4) They’ll start to pick up new words all the time, often echoing the words you say.(3) You may be singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” to teach your toddler anatomy. By 21 months they’ll be able to identify 3-5 body parts when asked.(4) Reading with your toddler may also become more fun as they more readily identify objects in their picture books.(4) But you also may find they want you to read the same story to them… over and over and over!(5) They know what they like and want to have it… all the time!

Tantrums are Normal

Your toddler is learning to regulate their emotions and communicate their needs and desires.(6) But it takes time to master these skills. When a young child is frustrated with herself and her limitations or is angry she can’t get her way, a tantrum is likely to ensue.(7) While they can be embarrassing for parents, tantrums are a normal part of toddler development.

Toddler Development: Milestones From 19 to 24 months

While every child develops at their own pace, here are some things your child will likely do by the time they’re 24 months old:

Social/Emotional Checklist (2)

Can tell when someone is upset or hurt. For example, pauses or looks sad when they see someone crying
Turns to you to see how to respond in an unfamiliar situation
Says “no”(3)
Has trouble waiting for things and wants them right now(3)
Engages mainly in parallel play, but begins showing an interest in including other children and playing together(8)

Language/Communication Checklist(2)

Strings at least two words together to form a short sentence, like, “more please”
Able to point to known objects or things when asked
Uses gestures beyond just pointing or waving
Can identify at least two body parts when asked
Follows simple directions(8)

Movement and Physical Development Checklist(2)

Can kick a ball
Walks upstairs with or without help
Runs (but stopping or turning can be difficult)(3)
Can take a few steps backward(3)
Uses a spoon to eat
Opens cabinets, boxes, and drawers(3)
Can stack 2 to 4 blocks(3)

Cognitive Checklist(2)

Able to play with multiple toys at a time, like serving tea to a teddy bear
Uses switches, buttons, and knobs on toys
Can hold something in one hand while using the other (like when holding a cup and removing the lid)
Says “please” and “thank you” when prompted(3)

What You Can Do to Encourage Healthy Development in Your 19 to 24 Month Old

Encourage Pretend Play

Pretend play will emerge at this age, and it’s so fun to witness! Your toddler may pretend to cook a meal or sail the high seas in a cardboard ship. Make space for your child to play both near you—they gain the confidence to explore and try new things, knowing you’re close by—and with other children.(9) Sharing and taking turns will still be hard at this age—so don’t think you’re raising a selfish child!(9) Toddlers just tend to think everything is theirs and are reluctant to share.

Have Conversations and Respond in Full Sentences

Now that your toddler knows a handful of words, you can encourage conversation by listening and replying when they speak to you.(9) If your child says, “Mama, ball” you could reply by saying, “Would you like to play with your red ball?” By doing this, you’re exposing your child to more words, helping expand her vocabulary and giving context to her requests.

Encourage Problem Solving

Give your toddler space to learn and problem solve. Model curiosity and questioning when something doesn’t work out. For example, if your toddler is trying to put shapes in their corresponding holes and it’s not working out, you can ask, “Does the triangle have round edges?”(1)

Make Time for Skill Building

It can feel hard to let your toddler do things on their own when you know it would be faster if you did it for them. But stepping in can rob your child of the opportunity to learn and grow! Try to build time into your day to allow for your toddler to build everyday skills and develop their independence. Let them take off their own shoes or use a spoon to feed themselves. It may take longer, but you’re giving them the opportunity to engage their brain (as well as their large and small muscle groups).(9)

Model Emotional Regulation

Sometimes, your toddler will try to do something and they’ll fail. And tears will likely ensue. They’ll want to drive their toy truck under the bridge (coffee table) but the bridge is too low. And they’ll have a meltdown over it. Empathize with your toddler and their big feelings. Validate their frustration, be patient, and explain what they’re experiencing. You could say, “You’re feeling frustrated because the truck doesn’t fit under the table.” And give them an opportunity to choose again. “Would you like to drive the small car under the table instead?”

Every Stage Comes with Joys and Challenges

Each step of the way, you have the opportunity to help your child learn and grow. Subscribe to my newsletter for more helpful parenting tips, and don’t miss the other blogs in the infant and early childhood development series!

References

Madeleine Vieira 1/17/22 Madeleine Vieira 1/17/22

How to Best Handle Toddler Tantrums and Help Your Child Regulate Their Emotions

What Is a Temper Tantrum?

You’re a parent—you’ve seen it all. The arched back, the flailing fits, clenched fists, screaming, crying—toddler temper tantrums can be brutal, even though they are extremely common in kids age 1-3. They can also be embarrassing for you as a parent.

But temper tantrums are actually an opportunity for you to understand your child better and help them learn emotional regulation…

What Is a Temper Tantrum?

But temper tantrums are actually an opportunity for you to understand your child better and help them learn emotional regulation.

Why Do Temper Tantrums Occur?

Tantrums are (surprisingly!) a normal part of your child’s development.

Toddlers’ social and emotional skills are still developing. Their brains are immature and therefore don't yet have the ability to emotionally regulate and self-soothe. To do so, they need help from a parent/caregiver. So they resort to getting their needs met in the only way they know how—by screaming or crying.

Big emotions can be tough for adults to regulate—imagine how they feel to your young child!

The following can contribute to temper tantrums:

Overstimulation, hunger, tiredness, stress
Frustrating situations
Big emotions like shame, sadness, fear, or worry
Temperament

Toddlers (terrible twos) tend to express themselves in tantrums because their language skills are still developing.

Your two-year-old can’t clearly express what they need, want, or feel yet, and this can be incredibly frustrating for all parties involved. Emotional regulation and learning to cope with frustrating situations are skills that children develop over time. And you as a parent can help them work on these skills!

The good news? Tantrum frequency tends to decrease as your child’s ability to use language improves. Emotional identification and regulation are key in preventing and ending tantrums.

Here Are 7 Things You Can Do as a Parent to Help Prevent Tantrums:

1. Create a consistent schedule and routine.

Children thrive off of consistency. When your child knows what to expect from their day, they are much more likely to remain calm. Try giving your toddler a heads up before daily transitions, like, “In ten minutes it’s going to be time to put your toys away and get ready for bath time.”

2. Tune in to your child’s emotions and then help name those emotions.

Try phrases like, “You’re feeling disappointed right now because playtime is over, and that’s OK. But we still have to clean up.” Children, just like adults, long to feel seen, heard, and understood. When they sense that you understand what they are feeling, they are less likely to have a meltdown.

3. Identify tantrum triggers and establish boundaries.

Perhaps your toddler has a tantrum when you pay attention to your newborn. Try saying, “I need time with Ashley right now, and that makes you feel sad and worried. Can we read together after I’ve put her down for a nap?”

You aren’t rewarding the tantrum—your newborn still needs to be cared for! But you are letting your toddler know it’s OK to feel their feelings, and you are still going to do what you need to do. “Pick out the book you’d like to read together while I try to get Ashley to nap.”

4. Discuss emotions throughout the day.

Don’t wait until your child is upset to talk about emotions. Read books that explain and process feelings and ask questions that facilitate discussion. Try asking things like, “Why do you think he looks so worried? Is it because he is afraid of that dog getting so close to him?”

5. Plan ahead.

If you know tantrums are more likely to occur when your child is hungry, tired, stressed or overstimulated, do your best to plan for those types of situations.

Pack extra snacks, create a nap time routine and speak to your child about a stressful or tiring situation ahead of time. “Going to grandma’s house is really fun, but can also make you feel really tired. If you need quiet time while we’re there, let me know and we can sit quietly together. You can also take a nap in the car on the way home.”

6. Provide positive attention.

Notice when your child is being helpful, caring, or putting effort into learning something. Naming positive emotions and experiences is just as important as naming more difficult ones.

7. Give your child the ability to make small choices throughout the day.

Toddlers long to have agency, and not having it can be frustrating. Help your child foster healthy self-esteem and independence by giving them age-appropriate choices. “Would you like to wear your green or white shoes today?”

You won’t be able to prevent every tantrum, but creating a consistent routine, tuning in to your child’s emotions, identifying common tantrum triggers, and discussing emotions can help mitigate tantrum-causing stress.

And by planning ahead and providing your child with positive attention and small choices throughout the day, you’re providing them the space they need to develop healthy self-esteem, self-trust, and independence.

A Tantrum Is in Full Swing. Now What?

Tantrums happen. It’s not the end of the world, even though it might feel like it to both you and your child.

Depending on why your child is upset, you may need to alter your approach to handling the outburst. If your toddler might hurt himself or others during a tantrum, take him somewhere quiet to calm down. If he’s testing boundaries in a way that is unsafe (trying to turn on the stove, for example,) explain the dangers and remove him from the situation.

But if your toddler is simply overwhelmed, tired, or feeling big feelings they don’t know how to explain, try the following:

Help your toddler calm down by modeling appropriate behavior. Stay calm yourself (even though it might be really hard!)
Acknowledge their big feelings and again, help name those feelings. “Your little brother took your toy without asking. That makes you feel angry and upset.”
Offer to take some deep breaths together. “Let’s take some deep breaths together so we can feel calm. Then we choose what to do next.”
Be there for your toddler. At the end of the day, your job as a parent is to keep your children safe and create a space for them to express themselves. Over time, they will learn to do so in more effective, healthy ways.
Try not to judge yourself! Remember, tantrums are developmentally appropriate for toddlers. You’re not a bad parent if your kid has a tantrum. And they’re not a bad kid if they have one, either!

When Is Professional Help Advised?

Tantrums should become less frequent as your child approaches age 4 and has more self-control. But if your child has a mental health disorder, they may have more frequent, severe tantrums and professional intervention may be helpful.

For Even More Parenting Tips

Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay up to date with the latest news in children’s mental health.

To help other parents, make sure to share this blog with friends and family members!

References

O’Donnell, L. (2018, June). Temper Tantrums. KidsHealth Blog. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/tantrums.html
Talking With Preschoolers About Emotions. Penn State Extension Blog. https://extension.psu.edu/programs/betterkidcare/early-care/tip-pages/all/talking-with-preschoolers-about-emotions
(2020, November). Temper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace. Mayo Clinic Blog.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/tantrum/art-20047845
Tantrums: Why They Happen and How to Respond. The Australian Parenting Website Blog.
https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/crying-tantrums/tantrums